Out-Numbered

Ms Beer Somewhere in Milwaukee USA Dear Beer, At risk of sounding overly formal (which is totally not me at all. I wear shorts and $5 white sunglasses to work), I am writing this letter to you in expression of my deep gratitude for your complete and utter, well, existence. In this cyber and sometimes faceless world we live in today, I wanted to make sure I took a moment to connect with you in a more personal fashion. I also noticed that you're not on Facebook yet. I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate all you have done for me and how accessible you have been over the past twenty years or so. I know this sounds corny but you've been a real friend to me. You've always been there for me, in good times and bad, never judging, never once placing your needs before mine. I know I can be moody (Don't even say it, I know...) and even downright selfish at times. I'm well aware of my propensity to take take take, without ever taking into consideration, your ne...

When she met me I had a Mohawk. Now... I have hair on my shoulders. When she met me I was playing hockey. Now... I am speed walking on the treadmill. When she met me I was listening to Heavy Metal on my turntable. Now... I'm listening to Hannah Montana in my Mini Van. When she met me I was taking Hallucinogenic mushrooms. Now... I'm taking Prilosec . When she met me I was sexy. Now... I'm sexless. When she met me I owned a black light. Now... I own a night light. When she met me I drank beer from a funnel. Now... I add Metamucil to my orange juice. When she met me I watched Monster movies. Now... I watch Monsters Inc. When she met me I didn't lift the seat when I peed. Now... I just sit down. When she met me I was getting into fights. Now... I can't get out of them. When she met me I knew nothing about the opposite sex. Now... I know way too much. When she met me I thought I was going to change the world. Now... I'm changing diapers. When she met me I had dream...