Out-Numbered

A few weeks ago, I decided that I needed to make a few changes in my life. One of those changes, was to stop stuffing my fat, gluttonous face with red meat, pork products and diet soda. Unfortunately it's never been in my DNA to be an "In Moderation" type of guy. It's always been all or nothing for me. "Hey Jay, you want a burger?" "Fuck that! Make it two and slap some bacon and cheese on those bad boys." or "Hey Jay, you want a beer?" "Beer? Where's the funnel? Let's get this party started!" This is why I've decided to go cold turkey. I have officially stopped eating all red meat, pork and poultry products. I've also decided to cut out all diet soda (Not because of health reasons but because I think being a vegetarian and drinking diet soda, at the same time, would make me too much of a pussy). The meat thing is a must. Some people can't eat just one potato chip; I can't eat just one chicken wing. Oh, th...

I've said before, that talking to your kids, guarantees you at least one smile per conversation. Now that's an ROI you can take to the bank. If you don't agree, than you either don't have kids or you're just a shitty parent. It's also possible that you're a boring son of a bitch. One of my favorite things in life, is having an in depth chat with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. Kids are so curious at that age. They also don't have any concept of boundaries or appropriateness. Here's our most recent exchange: In the bathroom with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm taking a piss. She is standing right behind me. Her head is poking through my legs, as if she were standing underneath a (very small) waterfall. Kid : Daddy? Me : Yes munchkin. Kid : Why do you make peeps standing up? Me : Because boys make pee pee standing up and girls make pee pee sitting down. (Kind of a white lie. I'm a huge fan of the sitting piss. I've been doing it since I saw Jac...