Out-Numbered

Do you ever feel like you're being Punk'd ? Like Ashton Kutcher is following you around, smirking, waiting and ready to pounce? Well, life has a way of imitating art . Or in my case, blog... In case you were wondering, that's my 6-year-old daughter and me in that picture. It's not an out of shape, hairy, white trash, down on his luck, ex-Chippendales dancer. I am casually enjoying my Father's Day, breakfast in bed. It consists of a bowl of soggy Rice Chex, a banana, a strawberry Pop Tart and a half-cup of warm water. Delicious! Kind of like a prison breakfast in the comfort of your own bed. The food was the same, except my daughter didn't serve me wearing a hair net. My attire is bed casual, consisting of a brand, spanking new, teal colored, wool tie. The tie lies perfectly between my man-nipples and falls to just above my navel. All in all, the perfect beginning to a perfect Father's Day. Courtesy of the amazing ladies in my life, that continually leave me...

I am not a breakfast in bed type of guy. It's uncomfortable. It doesn't make any sense to me. It never has. Why the hell would anyone want to eat a stack of flapjacks and a pound of bacon, while lying horizontal under the covers? It's bad enough I find remnants of Goldfish crackers under my pillow. I don't need maple syrup stuck to my sheets. It also makes the room smell and it gives me a headache. Oh and there's no place to put the Orange Juice either. Please don't bother. I don't carry a ton of cash on me. It's not my nature. I usually have less than $10 on my person at any given time. I'm also not allowed to use the ATM without my wife yelling at me. Maybe the two have something to do with each other. For whatever reason, please refrain from buying me any sort of money clip or wallet. I don't care if it has a silk screen of my favorite team's logo on it. Not interested. I also don't wear a suit to work. Ever. As a matter of fact, I hav...