Out-Numbered

1. Twenty little painted toenails. 2. Long fluttering eyelashes attached to four puppy dog eyes. 3. Two mischievous smiles. 4. Endless parades of kisses. 5. Dance recitals. 6. Holding hands crossing the street. 7. Snuggling on the couch. 8. Bedtime stories. 9. Uncontrollable giggles. 10. Tears of Joy. 11. Princess costumes. 12. Playing family. 13. Mounds of stuffed animals. 14. Pink (the color). 15. Smiley faces, Peace signs and Hearts. 16. Pictures on the refrigerator. 17. Helping with homework. 18. A renewed appreciation for cupcakes. 19. Freckled cheeks. 20. Swing sets 21. Are we there yet? 22. Scraped knees and elbows to kiss and make better. 23. Being needed. 24. Being Wanted. 25. Being Loved. 26. Fatherhood. If it weren't for my kids, I'd be celebrating useless, lazy, selfish, asshole person day. Today I'm counting my blessings.

THIS is my Father's Day post. I love my kids more than a 58 year old, white male, with a micro sized wiener loves his new Corvette. I love my kids more than a dog loves the smell of his own shit. I love my kids more than Joanie loved Chachi. But God dammit, I hate that fucking Father's Day boutique. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Anyone? The Father's Day boutique is basically a shitty little indoor garage sale that takes place in elementary schools all over the world. OK, maybe just on Long Island. I can't say for sure. Anyway, they had it when I was a kid and they have it now. What happens is right before Father's Day, the school sets up a bunch of tables and garnishes them with what seems to be a bunch of items that were made in China but not good enough to make it to the 99 cents store. The worst part of this horrible tradition is that my kid comes to me with pretty much the sweetest smile you've ever seen and says... Daughter - "Daaaaaadd...

This post was originally written for the amazingly cool NYC Mama . You can check out her Celebrating Dad feature right here. I urge you. No, I absolutely implore you to check out her site. Happy Father's Day to all. Rock it. I have to admit that I am terrible at stopping to smell the roses. I'm constantly on the go. I'm always stressed out. I'm like that proverbial Hamster in the wheel. I run and run but often get nowhere. There are so many missed opportunities in life and most of the time; you don't get a second chance. When you have kids, it's easy to get caught up in the rigmarole. As a parent, I find myself taking the shortcuts most of the time, to get things done. This is bad. I don't do this on purpose. I have become a product of my environment. I feel as if there are times that I don't pay enough attention to what's most important. Father's Day is coming again. I don't feel like I deserve another "Kiss the Cook" apron. I can...