Out-Numbered

Speeding North on Route 1, heading back to our hotel in a panic. Wife - "Slow down. You're gonna get us killed." Out-Numbered - "I can't. If I don't get to a bathroom in less than a minute, I'm gonna shit my pants." Wife - "Why do you eat Pizza and Ice Cream if you know it's going to make you sick?" Out-Numbered - "Because I'm a moron. Can you please not give me shit right now. I can't talk." Pulling up to the Hotel, we notice 4 Fire Trucks and a Police car parked in front. Something's going on... Out-Numbered - "Roll down your window and see if we can go in. QUICKLY!" Wife - "OK. Jeez." Rolling down the car window Wife - "Officer, is everything OK? Can we go inside?" Police Officer - "Yes Maam. Everything is fine. Just a blown transformer across the street." Wife - "Great. Thank you." Rolling up the car window. Wife - "He said everything is fine. Jus...

I am not a Superhero . I am a Father and a Husband. I am a " Fusband ". I have no mutant powers to speak of. I am mere mortal. I do have a weakness. Every Fusband does. This weakness is my Kryptonite . I am defenseless against its evil. I am crippled by its potent energy. It will tear me to pieces if I do not protect myself. In order to shield my vulnerable body from this raw, unyielding , puissance ; I have built a Fortress of Solitude . Its walls are as sturdy as solid concrete; as thick as the ancient pyramids. The door from which my enemies can gain access, could withstand the pounding of a battering ram, heaved by one hundred knights. It is even equipped with an advanced control system , that allows me to filter out high pitched, ear piercing , transmission signals, that can do irreparable damage to my brain. I have hidden compartments that house supplies , essential to my survival. I even have a self sufficient captains chair, that is built for comfort and functiona...