Out-Numbered

My daughters are so beautifully simple and yet complicated at the same time. The way they look through me. The way they walk from the house to the car. The way they brush their hair after a bath. Everything about them makes me wonder how on earth I could have had anything to do with any of their inherent goodness. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud and sometimes it takes all of my will to hold back the tears. My wife and I made the decision to adopt a puppy a few weeks ago. It was a surprise to the kids. For obvious reasons, my only condition was that the puppy had to be a boy. The other day, my little one asked me where the puppy's penis was. I pointed at it. Little one: "That doesn't look like a penis." Me: "Well, that's what a doggy penis looks like." Little one: "It's hairy." Me: "Sure is." Little one: "Why is it so hairy?" Me: "Because dogs are hairy, so their penises are hairy." ...

I've said before, that talking to your kids, guarantees you at least one smile per conversation. Now that's an ROI you can take to the bank. If you don't agree, than you either don't have kids or you're just a shitty parent. It's also possible that you're a boring son of a bitch. One of my favorite things in life, is having an in depth chat with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. Kids are so curious at that age. They also don't have any concept of boundaries or appropriateness. Here's our most recent exchange: In the bathroom with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm taking a piss. She is standing right behind me. Her head is poking through my legs, as if she were standing underneath a (very small) waterfall. Kid : Daddy? Me : Yes munchkin. Kid : Why do you make peeps standing up? Me : Because boys make pee pee standing up and girls make pee pee sitting down. (Kind of a white lie. I'm a huge fan of the sitting piss. I've been doing it since I saw Jac...