Death Match: Manowar vs Jonas Brothers...



This past weekend my six year old daughter and I had a very frustrating conversation about music. It went something like this...

Six year old - "Daddy, do you like Rock music?"

Out-Numbered - "Yes baby, I love Rock music."

Six year old - "Cool. Me too. Do you like the Jonas Brothers?"

Out-Numbered - "Not really. Maybe a little bit."

Six year old - "Why don't you like them? I thought you said you like Rock music."

Out-Numbered - "I love Rock music but I don't think the Jonas Brothers are Rock music."

Six year old - "Yes they are."

Out-Numbered - "I don't think so."

Six year old - "Then what are they?"

Out-Numbered - "I would say they are more Pop music than Rock music."

Six year old - "What is Pop music?"

Out-Numbered - "Pop music is music that is considered popular."

Six year old - "Then what is Rock music?"

Out-Numbered - "Rock music is a little bit heavier and a little bit louder than Pop music and it's not always so popular.

Six year old - "Is Vanessa Hudgens Rock music?"

Out-Numbered - "Nope. Pop music."

Six year old - "Is Ashley Tisdale Rock music?"

Out-Numbered - "Nope. Pop music."

Six year old - "Then what is your favorite Rock band?"

Out-Numbered - "Manowar."

Six year old - "What is Manowar?"

Out-Numbered - "The greatest Rock band of all-time."

Six year old - "Can I hear them sing a song?"

Out-Numbered - "Sure. Hang on one second."

(I run downstairs to grab the 1984 Manowar classic, Hail to England on CD. I race back upstairs and pop in track one: Blood of my Enemies.)

Out-Numbered - "This is Manowar."

(She listens and stares at the CD player for thirty seconds. She looks like she's sucking on a lemon.)

Six year old - "This sucks!"

Out-Numbered - "You suck!"

Six year old - "Whatever."

Kids today have no respect for real music... The Jonas Brothers should have to do a fucking internship for Manowar in order to be allowed to live. Jeez, I bet Manowar never felt Out-Numbered...

Comments

  1. RileyMay 4, 2009 at 10:26 PM

    I agree so much. When I was younger I loved classics like Beatles and Rolling Stones. Ask a kid what classic is to them and they will tell you Britney Spears, so sad

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Panic RoomMay 4, 2009 at 10:51 PM

    30 seconds is totally enough time to decide something sucks :) Maybe she would have changed her mind had you let her take a look at that sweet promo shot you posted up there.

    thanks for saying hey. I like what you are doing here. By the way, I have never been seen on Five Star Friday, and the Humor Bloggers told me I wasn't funny at all. And that Canadian dude Capt Dumbass is going to end up beating everyone in this dad blogger award business :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ShankRabbitMay 4, 2009 at 10:54 PM

    That has to be the single greatest exchange.

    "This sucks"
    "You suck"

    Thanks for the smiles and I'm really sorry you're subjected to the crap that is the Jonas Brothers.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Darling NikkiMay 4, 2009 at 11:28 PM

    I wonder if our parents ever felt as judged by us as we do by our own children? I am proud to say my three boys think I'm totally freakin' awesome coz we listen to "Wipeout" in the car on the way to school. Clearly you need more boy children.....

    ReplyDelete
  5. MVDMay 5, 2009 at 12:09 AM

    "The Jonas Brothers should have to do a fucking internship for Manowar in order to be allowed to live."

    Hilarious. But are you truly alleging that the Jonas Brothers are alive? I'd always assumed they were cyborgs, created by the Disney juggernaut, and recharged each night on a popcorn machine.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ChrisMay 5, 2009 at 1:39 AM

    Calling the crap that is the Jonas Brothers "music" let alone "rock music" is a sacrilege. Metallica and Iron Maiden (among about a bazillion other bands) would send the Jonas boys home with a load in their pants.

    A shame, really, what kids these days call music.

    And now I've officially turned into my dad.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Out-NumberedMay 5, 2009 at 6:23 AM

    @The Panic Room, @ShankRabbit, @Darling Nikki, @MVD, @Chris

    Hahahahahaha!Fucking funny shit right there. I love comments. Thanks guys...

    @Riley

    It's funny because this whole conversation with her started because she told me that she didn't like the Beatles, Rubber Soul. There must be something in the water out here.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousMay 5, 2009 at 8:15 AM

    now I have to dig out my Manowar tapes. Yes, tapes.

    Thanks for the laugh. And the realization that I too, am outnumbered.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ronnibunny72May 5, 2009 at 8:15 AM

    you are a sick man! your daughter has an appreciation for music just like her dad! i would be a bit alarmed if at this age she was head banging to manowar, metallica, kiss and whomever else you did...

    what about the times she falls asleep to peter gabriel and paula cole?

    you gave her the gift of music. she surely didn't get it from me...

    yuv

    ReplyDelete
  10. ronnibunny72May 5, 2009 at 8:16 AM

    p.s. she does love neil!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. CarenMay 5, 2009 at 9:15 AM

    Does she know about your deep appreciation for the Backstreet Boys? What category do they fall in? Maybe you should show her the "Sweet Cherry" video and then see..... xoxox

    ReplyDelete
  12. Peter GriffenMay 5, 2009 at 9:36 AM

    Manowar... born to live forever more...

    ReplyDelete
  13. UnknownMay 5, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    Sounds like something my granddaughter would have said!

    ReplyDelete
  14. JenniferMay 5, 2009 at 11:43 AM

    This picture both makes me want to LOL and scream, "My eyes!! My eyes!!!!!!" Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
  15. SteveMay 5, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    Manowar can claim that they had Orson Welles narrate on their first album. What can you claim?

    ReplyDelete
  16. David TomenMay 5, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    Hallelujah brother.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AdamMay 5, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    my daughter and i will gladly watch the jonas brothers die painfully. unfortunately, my six year old boy would be upset. he likes them.

    ReplyDelete
  18. MahoneyMusingsMay 5, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    You do know that it's the father's job to take his daughter to her first concert, right? My Husband rocked it out to Panic @ the Disco with our Eldest. If you're lucky, your daughter will be over the Jonas Brothers by the time the 'first concert' rolls around for you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mary PMay 5, 2009 at 1:31 PM

    Get her Metallica Guitar Hero - my nephews go around the house singing Battery - brings a tear to my eye. They even changed the characters to the "80s" Metallica when James and Lars had hair.

    ReplyDelete
  20. LiteralDanMay 5, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    The song does indeed rock, but that band picture is just painful to look at.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Otter ThomasMay 5, 2009 at 3:50 PM

    That reminds me of Billy Madison and the video game conversation. Donkey Kong sucks. You know what? You Suck!

    Us old guys are probably in for many conversations like that. Getting old sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  22. mamadearestMay 5, 2009 at 4:38 PM

    I was drinking let's say "tea" when I was reading this. When I got to the point of "YOU suck", I lost the "tea" is was drinking, which bring me to the point that you owe me $7 to dry clean my thrift store purchased dress. Where should I send the bill?

    ReplyDelete
  23. Out-NumberedMay 5, 2009 at 4:48 PM

    @mamadearest - Sorry about the Tea. You can send the bill to PO Box 1400 You Suckville, USA. :-)

    @MahoneyMusings - Took her to her first concert. My bad. Hannah Montana / Jonas Brothers. I made my bed...

    @Caren - Icksne on the ackstreetoysbe... Saving it for another blog...

    ReplyDelete
  24. daddydearestMay 5, 2009 at 4:54 PM

    I didn't even know the Jonas Brothers were still popular. My 13-year-old has ... well moved on to groups like the Veronicas. Nothing like poping in a CD to hear "Take Me On The Floor." A title every dad wants his teen daughter to sing along to.

    ReplyDelete
  25. mamadearestMay 5, 2009 at 5:11 PM

    My top 10 today was inspired by what you wrote.

    ReplyDelete
  26. UnknownMay 5, 2009 at 9:42 PM

    My daughter listens to some Barbie soundtrack music. It's a cross between country and pop. She loves it. I cringe. Ugh. I really hope it's a phase. She likes Jonas Bros, too. Bad. Very bad.

    Love the "This sucks"-"You suck" exchange, btw.

    ReplyDelete
  27. RonMay 5, 2009 at 10:06 PM

    Any band/singer that is used for cross marketing on products such as: macaroni and cheese, bread, training bras, sandwich bags or Kleenex does not count as a musical talent. A Hannah Montana morning after pill would be funny though.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Barbara EhrentreuMay 5, 2009 at 11:15 PM

    LOL! I think even if you had showed her the video she would still have that opinion. Most six year olds haven't a clue about music. That is why it is very important to play your favorite music when she is around and take her to concerts when she is a little older. We did that with our kids and the other day my daughter, 27, said to me: "Mom, you and Dad ruined us. I like all this music now that no one likes."

    I went YESSSSSSS!!! She has a very eclectic taste in music with musicals being her favorite, but she appreciates all music including classical. It's your job as a Dad to make sure she knows about all music. So go ahead and start playing your favorites whenever she's around. You have a captive audience.:)

    ReplyDelete
  29. E. PetermanMay 6, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    ROFL! I have had versions of this conversation with my children. Thank God they like Beck, the Beatles AND the Jonas Brothers, though not necessarily in that order. And maybe I've gone soft, but I must admit that the JoBros' last CD - which has been in heavy rotation - is quite good. It doesn't make me want to jam pencils in my ears, like Demi Lovato.

    ReplyDelete
  30. FoolishLamb1502May 6, 2009 at 4:22 PM

    Now that sounds like my son and me haha.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Steely DadMay 6, 2009 at 7:04 PM

    Every day I listen to music with my kids, mostly classic rock. Just like the School of Rock, we have rock appreciation, rock theory and rock history. My three-year-old son seriously LOVES music. His favorite bands are Zep, the Doors, Rush and when I just played him your Manowar vid, he loved that one too. He can even identify the bands when they play. I just hope to instill in him an appreciation for REAL music so that whatever flavor o' the month boy band is popular he'll still be blasting the Metallica!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Mary@Holy MackerelMay 7, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    Damn right! Manowar and the Bee Gees will never die.

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousMay 7, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    I seem to remember my parents saying the same thing about the music I was listening to. Of course, I was listening to Neil Young, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, and ELO. But I have to disagree with you. The greatest Rock Band is Metallica!!! O yea. And comparing the Jonas Brothers to Manowar is like comparing juicy juice in a sippy cup to a bottle of Irish Whiskey.

    ReplyDelete
  34. whatnowdadMay 7, 2009 at 8:35 PM

    Can we through KISS in full make-up and make it a three way death match....look out for Peter Criss, he may be small but he is a crazy bastard!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. MomZombieMay 8, 2009 at 11:24 AM

    What I have found is that if your kids discover stuff you like through channels other than you, then there is a chance they might like it. "School of Rock" did wonders for introducing my teen to music of my day. Had I tried to do that, she'd never have given it a chance. My gut still twists in knots when my daughter insists Britney's version of the Stones' "(I can't get no) Satisfaction" is the best.

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousMay 8, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    Jason, I just wanted to let you know that You're Appreciated! over at my blog, Meandtheblueskies.com.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Court DMay 8, 2009 at 7:59 PM

    I just wish I could get my kid to listen to anything but the Wiggles. Or I keep hoping that maybe there is a wiggle video out there where they go all punk or something, but alas, no luck.

    ReplyDelete
  38. UnknownMay 9, 2009 at 8:14 AM

    MY son is going to be totally disapointed when he finds out that Wiggles are not the greatest rock in world! I can't wait for him to appreciate real music!

    This sucks!
    You suck!

    Priceless!

    Vanessa
    www.militarywifemayhem.com

    ReplyDelete
  39. TaraMay 9, 2009 at 11:38 PM

    Agh, Jonas Bros, Brittany Spears, etc etc etc...is not even music. Now, Metallica, Manowar and the like...ahhh, "that's" good listening. Woohoo.

    ReplyDelete
  40. MayMay 10, 2009 at 3:22 PM

    I must admit to not knowing much anything about Manowar but if those guys are still alive, do you think they are ashamed of that photo? Surreal. In my defense, I don't know anything about Jonas Bros either.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Mocha DadMay 10, 2009 at 8:48 PM

    Fortunately, I have shielded my kids from crappy music. My daughter enters third grade next year. I fear all of my hard work will be lost.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Steely DadMay 11, 2009 at 12:35 AM

    Dude, I thought I added this post script but I don't see it. It went something like this"

    "Bro, you looked yoked in that shirt. Have you been jackin' some steel or what?"

    Was I censured? :)

    ReplyDelete
  43. TamaraMay 12, 2009 at 9:00 AM

    your 6 year old is right. manowar sucks. :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. LaddMay 12, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    She wins because you misclassified Manowar as "Rock" and not "Metal." Death to False Labeling.

    ReplyDelete
  45. SurprisedMomMay 18, 2009 at 12:22 AM

    Six year olds like the Jonas Brothers? Wow, their music must be so sophisticated. When someone mentions rock, they couldn't even make the list. Give me the Beatles, Rolling Stones, even Heart. Manowar is a bit much for me, but to each his own. I'm so glad my daughters are too old for the Jonas Brothers. Funny post.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Sarah, Goon Squad SarahJune 3, 2009 at 7:23 AM

    Well, if nothing else I know not to expose my children to The Jonas Brothers for as long as possible.

    I am also pretty sure I'll have "Blow Your Speakers" stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  47. UnknownJune 4, 2009 at 3:03 PM

    I have been living with Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, Selena Gomez and a slew of other music with my daughter. I really don't want it to change because right now it's innocent.

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousJune 4, 2009 at 11:34 PM

    Ah, this is why I'm glad we got Guitar Hero.

    Real rock now abides in our home. Jonas bros were left in the dust!

    ReplyDelete
  49. AnonymousJuly 18, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    I force my kids to listen to Captain Beefheart, John Coltrane, Black Flag, Canibal Corpse and all kinds of stuff. They hate it, but most people do. They will put up with some of the milder stuff.

    They like the Beatles, Aerosmith (daughters 1st concert!), AND the Jonas Brothers. They like Michael Jackson, now that he is dead. Sigh. At least they have evolved from Barney!

    ReplyDelete
  50. AnonymousSeptember 12, 2009 at 10:59 PM

    I'm 18, and I think all the bands in the original post from above (exception, Manowar) are crap.

    ReplyDelete
  51. UnknownSeptember 13, 2009 at 1:54 AM

    hail and kill brother... glory... majesty... honor... hail... hail.
    the ONLY 4 KINS OF METAL, 4 METAL KINGS.
    And altough they haven't changed their set list too much through out the years, and their new CDs are filled with orchestra piec es... and chanting, wind... ect... They are still the KINGS! My 8 year old daughter will recognize this. We are going to a Demi Lovato concert in Novekbr.\
    Manowar lives.. Rhino *From 1992's Triumph of Steel* and who I think was thier most, is back... Filling in forColumus do to personal problems.

    ReplyDelete
  52. AnonymousApril 10, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    If I was going to show a six year old proper metal, I would spare them teh indignity of their first experience of it being the cheese fest that is manowar, I would have blown her away with the sonic lunacy of some early megadeth.

    ReplyDelete

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