You're God Damn Right, You Should Be Stressed...
So this Chick website called Momversation contacted me the other day in the hope that I'd be interested in sharing this video with my readers. Her email read something like this:
Hi Jason! I'm Christine, the Web Producer of Momversation. We produce videos of top mom bloggers, such as Heather Armstrong of Dooce, discussing mom-related issues. I thought your readers might like our latest video, "Do You Like When Dad Watches the Kids?" I'd love to stay in touch with you and occasionally let you know when we've got special episodes or new features that you might like (and please let me know if you'd rather I not contact you in the future - no hard feelings!). All the best, Christine Momversation Web Producer
The truth is that I'm pretty protective of Out-Numbered and what goes up here. I get lots of these requests / inquiries and I toss most of them aside. Most of them are weird sales things that make no sense at all. This one seemed partially relevant.
After a few Vodka / Coke's I took a look...
So here's what I found. 99.9% of the Mom panelists on this website are H.O.T.T. Hot! That's right. They are total babes. There is nothing sexier than a Mom talking about being a Mom, into a webcam, alone in the house. I think... I'm pretty sure the video is about Dads and Kids and a whole bunch of stuff related to parenting but for the most part I couldn't keep my eyes off of that chick with the blonde hair. Call me crazy, call me nuts but I'm totally addicted to this Mom site thing.
After I got past the whole Hot Mom thing, I actually tried to focus on the topic at hand. Apparently Moms are eager to jabber about whether or not they are "Stressed When Dad Is Watching The Kids". Hello? What kind of a topic is this? Do you really need to make a web video on a Mom site to discuss this? Doesn't it go without saying? Of course Moms are stressed when we're watching the kids. Duh!
You see. Here's the deal. I posted a whole piece on this very subject. In case you didn't read it, here it is: Just Shoot Me...
There's no secret here. Moms ARE stressed. They are stressed not because us Dads can't take care of our measly little kids but because they are so friggin' crazy that no matter what we do, there's gonna be something wrong in the end. Us Dads are a capable bunch for the most part. We go to work. We interact with people. We assemble furniture and swing sets and surround sound for our entertainment centers. All in all, we're not completely useless. Of course we have our moments that are less than stellar. For instance, we don't have any idea how to follow directions. We haven't got a clue as to what you want us to pick up from the supermarket and we certainly don't know how to fold laundry or bathe our kids. That's just being ridiculous. But in the end, we are totally capable of watching our kids for a short period of time. Yes my buddy pulled his daughter's arm out of her socket the first time he watched her on his own and Yes my two year old colored all over my living room with a red sharpie because I was too busy playing Guitar Hero and who cares that my six year old was surfing the web and wound up on a gay porn site during my weekend alone with the kids? No one got hurt. Nobody lost any limbs. If anything, what doesn't kill them, makes them stronger, right?
Anyway, the bottom line to me is that I'm cool with watching the kids if I absolutely need to but I really don't want to. Not because I can't but because it's mostly a pain in the ass. They don't stop talking... EVER. All they want to do is run around and play outside. They don't like watching sports. I can't get drunk when they're with me unless my Mom is around to watch me, watch them and they are constantly shitting their pants. Why would I want to hang out with someone that shits their pants? You tell me.
So keep stressing out Moms. Stress away until the cows come home. You see that's the key. We don't want you to feel comfortable enough with us to leave the kids in our care. We are absolutely, unequivocally, 100% fine being untrusted with our offspring. Hire a sitter, beg your parents to stay over or drop them off at Doggie Day Care. Whatever. It's cool. I'm ok with your crazy routines and your nap Nazi ways. I'll keep my mouth shut. Just please don't leave me alone with our little monsters. Baseball season is starting and if I run around too much I might have a heart attack. You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you?
MOMS ROCK! Let's keep it that way.
Take a look at that video for yourself and let me know what you think. But don't spend too much time on that site or you'll wind up feeling Out-Numbered...
Hi Jason! I'm Christine, the Web Producer of Momversation. We produce videos of top mom bloggers, such as Heather Armstrong of Dooce, discussing mom-related issues. I thought your readers might like our latest video, "Do You Like When Dad Watches the Kids?" I'd love to stay in touch with you and occasionally let you know when we've got special episodes or new features that you might like (and please let me know if you'd rather I not contact you in the future - no hard feelings!). All the best, Christine Momversation Web Producer
The truth is that I'm pretty protective of Out-Numbered and what goes up here. I get lots of these requests / inquiries and I toss most of them aside. Most of them are weird sales things that make no sense at all. This one seemed partially relevant.
After a few Vodka / Coke's I took a look...
So here's what I found. 99.9% of the Mom panelists on this website are H.O.T.T. Hot! That's right. They are total babes. There is nothing sexier than a Mom talking about being a Mom, into a webcam, alone in the house. I think... I'm pretty sure the video is about Dads and Kids and a whole bunch of stuff related to parenting but for the most part I couldn't keep my eyes off of that chick with the blonde hair. Call me crazy, call me nuts but I'm totally addicted to this Mom site thing.
After I got past the whole Hot Mom thing, I actually tried to focus on the topic at hand. Apparently Moms are eager to jabber about whether or not they are "Stressed When Dad Is Watching The Kids". Hello? What kind of a topic is this? Do you really need to make a web video on a Mom site to discuss this? Doesn't it go without saying? Of course Moms are stressed when we're watching the kids. Duh!
You see. Here's the deal. I posted a whole piece on this very subject. In case you didn't read it, here it is: Just Shoot Me...
There's no secret here. Moms ARE stressed. They are stressed not because us Dads can't take care of our measly little kids but because they are so friggin' crazy that no matter what we do, there's gonna be something wrong in the end. Us Dads are a capable bunch for the most part. We go to work. We interact with people. We assemble furniture and swing sets and surround sound for our entertainment centers. All in all, we're not completely useless. Of course we have our moments that are less than stellar. For instance, we don't have any idea how to follow directions. We haven't got a clue as to what you want us to pick up from the supermarket and we certainly don't know how to fold laundry or bathe our kids. That's just being ridiculous. But in the end, we are totally capable of watching our kids for a short period of time. Yes my buddy pulled his daughter's arm out of her socket the first time he watched her on his own and Yes my two year old colored all over my living room with a red sharpie because I was too busy playing Guitar Hero and who cares that my six year old was surfing the web and wound up on a gay porn site during my weekend alone with the kids? No one got hurt. Nobody lost any limbs. If anything, what doesn't kill them, makes them stronger, right?
Anyway, the bottom line to me is that I'm cool with watching the kids if I absolutely need to but I really don't want to. Not because I can't but because it's mostly a pain in the ass. They don't stop talking... EVER. All they want to do is run around and play outside. They don't like watching sports. I can't get drunk when they're with me unless my Mom is around to watch me, watch them and they are constantly shitting their pants. Why would I want to hang out with someone that shits their pants? You tell me.
So keep stressing out Moms. Stress away until the cows come home. You see that's the key. We don't want you to feel comfortable enough with us to leave the kids in our care. We are absolutely, unequivocally, 100% fine being untrusted with our offspring. Hire a sitter, beg your parents to stay over or drop them off at Doggie Day Care. Whatever. It's cool. I'm ok with your crazy routines and your nap Nazi ways. I'll keep my mouth shut. Just please don't leave me alone with our little monsters. Baseball season is starting and if I run around too much I might have a heart attack. You wouldn't want that on your conscience would you?
MOMS ROCK! Let's keep it that way.
Take a look at that video for yourself and let me know what you think. But don't spend too much time on that site or you'll wind up feeling Out-Numbered...
LOL, you are just TOO funny and your blog is awesome. My kids are all grown but I totally trusted their dad watching them for days at a time if I was out of town on business; lucky me. And my only married child has a wonderful husband who is also 99% trustworthy... that's damn good for a dad!
ReplyDeleteyou're too cute! i am a frequent commenter on momversation and loved hearing your input. hope to see you there more.
ReplyDeletecheers!
You may not be good at and/or want to watch the children, but you are an AWESOME writer.
ReplyDeleteI completely trust my husband to watch the kids. He was a stay-at-home dad with our daughter when she was a baby. I worked to support his PhD habit.
ReplyDeleteBut that was with ONE child. Adding a second added a whole new element. There were times I thought the kids were actually torturing him and tying him up in the bathroom.
reminds me of why i don't have kids. nice idea, but survey says...
ReplyDeleteOk. I completely trust my hubby taking care of the boys, I mean, especially boys...he's perfect for them. They will be fed, bathed, and even in bed. The apartment on the other hand, a complete disaster. And if I am in the middle of a major transition, like now for example potty training the 2 year old, yeah, no, Dad isn't staying home alone with the kids, because if so, when I get back I will be back on square one with 2 year old wearing diapers again. So, in short: kids: check everything else: not so much.
ReplyDeleteMy daughters are all grown now, but when they were younger I always stressed over leaving them with my husband. He paid attention to them, but he almost never fed them unless I reminded him beforehand. He'd always say they didn't ask to eat and I'd tell him they won't. You have to feed them.:) Aside from that he took care of them very well, except he didn't dress them as I would or worry about the things I would. So if I had to be away from the house for a couple of days I would always leave a detailed list of things that needed to be done. Then I knew that I would have peace of mind. Even if he only did some of those things it helped me to know that I had set out what should be done.:)
ReplyDeleteContrary to popular belief, I still appreciate HOT MOMS...but hafta agree...no matter the relationship, one is ALWYAS more stressed than the other...Guess which one!
ReplyDeleteKudos!
Dads and Moms do everything different. That's just a fact. Your explanation was hilarious, but also very true, for some dads are better than others, clearly. If we were all the same, how boring life would be, right! The parent who is with their child more often is going to be the more stressed out parent no matter what. We all just need to enjoy and appreciate our kids! We're the best they've got!
ReplyDeleteVery funny - and I can totally relate to even as an aunt - I remember when my nephew started to walk he fell into a bunch of his play cups and was bleeding all over the place on my watch - yet they still leave him with me - go figure
ReplyDeleteSure I trust my husband and don't mind leaving the kids with him at all. BUT...and there's always a but. Let's face it...he's just not as good at it as I am. He always forgets things...like making them bathe (how does one forget that important little daily routine?) or brush their teeth; he has forgotten to feed them a time or two; and (most importantly) they RULE the house when they're alone with him. Oh, and there was the time he strapped the infant seat to the front rack of the ATV and took the BABY for a little romp through the mud- at 4 months old!! At least he did think of safety first? *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and its pretty awesome.
ReplyDeleteI don't have to worry about dad watching the babe because I'm a single parent! But I have tons of other stuff to stress about!
How timely - I was just raging quietly in my head (okay, maybe not so quietly and not always in my head) as I went about doing double-duty clean-up (and it's only MONDAY) because I left my husband with the kids for the day yesterday. It's not so much that I don't trust him (but I always give our youngest an extra kiss good-bye and hug for too long because he has anaphylaxis (deadly allergies) and I'm always dreading that this might be the time daddy is too busy watching hockey to notice him doing the hairy-canary throat-gagging maneuver). That said, I do think he is capable of ensuring they are still breathing when I arrive home from a rare daypass excursion, and I know they will be fed - not to the standard that I hold, but they enjoy the break from nutritious food. What gets me is that THAT is all I can expect. No laundry done (even though the laundry room has colour-coded piles to the rafters), no dishes done, not even a semblance of picking up the toy strewn floor. He gives them a bath and, even though there is a laundry hamper 1 foot from the tub which has been identified for him countless times, clothes are artfully arranged in a Rorshach design for me to pick up. Bottle caps, used kleenexes, wrappers, banana peels, etc. are all left on the counter ABOVE the garbage can. Shoes and boots are left in front of the door, not on the mat to the left of it. Coats are draped on banisters and chair backs, not hung on the hooks above the mat. Can somebody explain this to me? Anyone?? I, too, am outnumbered as we have 2 boys, but I have to say, is this just the way men are or is there hope through proper training that my sons can learn to put things where they belong and lift a finger to help once in awhile.
ReplyDeletehey - where were the hot moms in the video?
ReplyDeleteor were you just selling out to help drive traffic to the video?
In the 14 years that we have been parents, I have left my husband home alone with the kids ONE time while I spent 4 days in Seattle. I laid all the clothes out for both kids for all four days. I left phone numbers, purchased food, labeled things and made sure that all local friends knew that I'd be out of town. The last thing I asked David to do was take our little one to a birthday party. He was allowed to drop him off and then pick him up 2 hours later. He just looked at the invite and shook his head saying, "no, I can't make that happen. I won't be working on a schedule, I have to be able to come and go on a whim."...... FINE, no problem. I look at it as a small price to pay to get away for a few days. I remember coming home and wondering "what happened to the house" when I walked in. Every single toy was out, dirty clothes everywhere. Dishes all over the kitchen. I had a great time, yet that was 5 years ago and I haven't been away alone since......Yes, we worry.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. SO if I don't wanna watch the kids and he doesn't wanna watch the kids, who the hell is watching he kids?
ReplyDeleteWell written, as always. I really do enjoy your blog.
ReplyDeleteAs for this subject: yup, you're right. It's echoing what others have already written here, but yeah, dads are not moms. My husband is a really good dad; it's not that I don't trust him with the kids, it's that I have to accept that he won't do what I would do. I have to accept that if I go out, when I come back the house will look like a bomb hit it, and the boys probably ate junk and watched too much TV, and that... that's okay. Because if I want to go out, that's the price I pay, and as long as nobody's hurt when I get home, it's all good. Do I like having to clean up the whole house? Hell no. You make concessions, just like everything else in life.
Damn! If I knew my wife had all these issues with me watching our son, I def won't be waking up so early on the weekends to do my part... Thanks Jay!
ReplyDeleteHi, Jason. Hopefully you monitor these comments because I've nominated you for a Zombie Chicken Award on my blog. You get to pass it on to 5 other bloggers.
ReplyDeleteWell, after a while I kind of gave up the feeling of not trusting or feeling stressed when my hubby watched my son especially while I'm at school. When I feel like I need to be by myself and go for a walk or jog, my husband is always there and I trust that he is there. I've never had to come home and my son was hungry or cranky or his diaper was filled to no end. I'm very lucky to have someone who I can trust to take care of my boy. Besides, he is the only person in the world who loves him as much as I do...
ReplyDeleteTo funny!! I am so glad I found your blog!! Your humor reminds me of my husbands!! I keep telling him he should write a blog like this!! lol!! Nice to hear it from a guys point of view!
ReplyDeleteWell played! Well played! I needed a good laugh, but now I'm pissed off! I'm gonna go wake my husband up and yell at him for being such an irresponsible lazy ass...
ReplyDeleteWow, some moms are neurotic. Personally, I feel as though any man I wouldn't trust to take care of my child is not a man I would have procreated with in the first place. As for the whole 'I don't wanna do it, so I'll do a crappy job and maybe she'll never ask me to do it again' thing, well that doesn't fly around here because guess what? Sometimes I don't wanna do it either. So long as I get some time to myself I really don't mind if my guy takes my daughter to school in her PJ's, feeds the baby Chinese take-out and bathes them with a hose in the back yard, if at all. Generally if I've been gone for a few days he'll get horny enough to do the damn dishes if he has any hope of getting laid when I get back.
ReplyDeletethe last time i left u with our children they were VERY well taken care of( although u forgot to take the little one to gymnastics).
ReplyDeleteYOU were the one who was not bathed and exhausted!
20 fingers and 20 toes when i return and i couldn't be happier!
by the way, they LOVE their daddy time!
YUV!!!!!
Awesome! You have the whole husband equals useless babysitter, maybe I can get the wife equals useless dishwasher. LOL!
ReplyDeleteps- still stressed about it all, but after reading your post.... the stress is kinda hot... ya know... h-o-t.
ReplyDeleteHa, ha. You can't fool me. I know you dads are great at taking care of the kids. You guys may not do it the same way a mom would, but you do it well. Besides, who am I to question what you're doing during my time off.
ReplyDelete-Abby
...and I am so glad that I have an opposite view of my husband, I think he is the best dad I ever seen. In addition, I encourage him to spend more time with Matthew, or both of us. We are happy bunch running around the house or around the car just to make our baby laugh and laugh or to make ourselves look crazy or insane, lol....Excellent post...Anna :)
ReplyDeleteHey Jay....I don't know, maybe it's just me but I always make certain my partner keeps an eye out & watches my daughter's back when there out together.
ReplyDeleteYa see, I tend to believe no one can care for her as I do. No one can educate her on the the ills of the world & give hints on how to maneuver nonsense. I provide iron clad protection, 4 star sustenance & do some pretty mean hairstyles. Btw, you know she'll have the handle on dealing with the opposite sex when the time comes.
Fatherhood is effortless compared to my former lifestyle. All this to say, I'm a blessed & lucky brotha to have a happy, healthy & cool little girl & the planet's greatest (& loveliest) lady who gets & tolerates me.
One
Did I mention I'm a good listener & nurturer of independence?
ReplyDeleteI peed a little reading your post. Thanks for stopping by my blog so I would follow you here. I think is my new all time favorite blog and I will be sure to get some depends before I stop by again.
ReplyDeleteI have to say I completely agree with everything you say, sadly I am the mom and I have to watch them.
As a stay-at-home dad I can hardly trust my wife to watch the kids. Whenever she does, the schedules are ignored and the only thing the kids have eaten is raw meat. And the house? Oy vey! It's a disaster! I "trust" her but obviously she lacks the superior skills to keep the train running on time. It's so obvious she does this on purpose so that I shall never have the confidence to leave her alone with the kids for extended periods of time like when I want to go on my knitting retreats or scrapbooking conventions. She gets to play golf and poker with the gals why can't I have some time to drink white wine spritzers and curl up with a good Danielle Steel? Calgon take me away!
ReplyDelete