My Bike Can Kick Your Bike's Ass...



Let's get right down to business, shall we?

I bought my oldest daughter a bad ass bike today. It is slick and fast and complicated. Buying a kid a bicycle is the most awesome thing a parent can do. It is their first step across the bridge to independence. When I think of my childhood, I think about Atari, Sid & Marty Kroft and my gold Ross bike with the black banana seat. I've had my current set of grown up wheels for about three years now. A black, two door, Jeep Wrangler. I've put only 10,000 miles on it. I'm pretty sure I put a solid 50,000 on my Ross between the years 1977 - 1981.

Where we live now is really close to where I grew up as a kid. Amazingly enough, I was able to purchase my kid's new ride at the exact same establishment that I bought my Ross back in 1977. That made the whole experience quite surreal for me but it was pretty damn cool to walk in there and see the expression on her face when she got a glimpse of all the Bikes. I'm not sure of the origin of the expression, "Like a kid in a candy store". But I think I'm gonna write a letter to my local congressman and request a change. I've seen my kid in a candy store and it's not that big a deal. Now, my kid in a bike store was pretty off the hook.

Here is the tale of the Tape:

'09 Diamondback Girl's Impression

Price: $194.99

Color: Teal

Seat: Kid's Gel Saddle

Helmet: Bell Trigger '09

Brakes: Rear linear-pull brake + coaster brake.

Accessories: SuperTex vinyl travel bag

Bottom Line: Has already crashed into a pole and seemed to hold it's own.

'77 Ross Barracuda

Price: $68

Color: Goldish

Seat: Banana, Bitch!

Helmet: Parents didn't give a shit back then or were just plain stupid.

Brakes: You can't do a proper skid out and leave a tire mark with wuss handbrakes.

Accessories: Dumb ass pole / flag attached to back of banana seat, if your parents had cash.

Bottom Line: This bike would survive a nuclear holocaust and still get me to school in the morning.

So our first bikes are very different on the outside. I guess that's not what's important. There's always gonna be some punk ass that parks his Green Machine, right next to your shitty Big Wheel. I really don't care if her Bike can kick my Bike's ass. The smile she had on her face, right before she smacked into that pole at the school yard was the exact same one I had back in 1977.

Being Out-Numbered by your daughter and her '09 Diamondback Girl's Impression... Priceless.

Comments

  1. UnknownJune 8, 2009 at 7:40 AM

    Buying the kid's first bike is a rite of passage to me because it's a parent admitting that said kid is actually growing up.

    Is that really your old bike or a reasonable facsimile?

    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lynn KellanJune 8, 2009 at 9:24 AM

    If you're "fortunate" to pay $5000 in braces, watching your kid bang into a pole produces a whole new level of angst!

    Your posts always make me smile.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ChrisJune 8, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    Great post. My first bike was a Huffy, which was indestructable (as we proved time and time again). You can't play Evel Knievel on a friggin girly bike.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MVDJune 8, 2009 at 12:01 PM

    Like Mauger, my first bike was a (royal blue) Huffy. Of course, that's not counting the plastic Big Wheel, complete with pull-lever that stopped the tires on the dime, sent the bike skidding across the street, and placed the driver from within a hair's breath of a concussion. Bike helmets, ha.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tyler - Building CamelotJune 8, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    That bananna seat is bitchin! Kids these days (how many times do I say that) have it way too easy...but, I did feel like a bad ass when I put together her bike on Christmas eve...cold beer and all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Otter ThomasJune 8, 2009 at 4:14 PM

    I rode my bike all over town too. No helmet. No hand brakes. The closest thing to accessories were my blue tires. Of course they didn't last long becasue of the constant breaking to leave blue lines in all the neighbors driveways.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BarbJune 8, 2009 at 4:46 PM

    My kids had the bike as you they are now women, and getting around the city on modern bikes, with their husbands. I myself rode bikes the simple way, with the price of petrol after about 20 yrs not riding I got back on the bike with gears, helmet, and hand brakes, felt like putting a "L" plate on the bike learning to use gears was fun just like driving a manual car but fun, had a few laughs at myself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. TheresaJune 8, 2009 at 6:28 PM

    Awesome post. Brings back memories. "Seat: Banana, bitch!" Hilarious. Don't forget the accessories...playing cards attached to spokes with wooden clothes hangers. Yeah Baby!!

    Hope your daughter enjoys the first bike dad bought her as much as I did. She's growing up.

    ReplyDelete
  9. SurprisedMomJune 8, 2009 at 7:08 PM

    Great post! It brought back memories of my childhood and my children's childhoods. Buying a bike is just too cool for words. My first bike was a hand me down, too many kids for brand new bike. For eighth grade graduation my grandma got me a girls 10-speed! It was awesome! My girls had a number of bikes as they grew up, now they prefer the car. Oh well. Thanks for the memories! BTW, your bikes are cool!

    ReplyDelete
  10. myonlyphotoJune 8, 2009 at 11:26 PM

    I still have few more years to get one for my child, lol. Nice memories, and congrats to your daughter on the first happy ride. Anna :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Steely DadJune 9, 2009 at 1:19 AM

    Dude, I still have my Diamondback Chromoly Special that I received as a b-day gift in 1982. It was, and still is, the BEST gift I ever received. My cheap-ass dad wanted to get me a shitty Murray but my mom lobbied on my behalf and the rest is BMX history. I actually kept the bike even though I haven't ridden it since I turned 16 (and that was, well, quite a few years ago). It is one of the few things I kept from my childhood and I did so with the idea that, should I have a kid someday, I wanted to pass it on. Helmet? Yea right! I only had a racing plate and some BMX gloves. And NO kickstand. That was for pussies. I showed my wife some of the hills I rode down on that bike, sans helmet but with extra speeding traffic, and she couldn't believe I survived. I hope my son has just as many wonderful memories with that bike as did I. Thanks for taking me back, brotha. Also, THANKS SO MUCH FOR ROCKING THE ALEX'S LEMONADE STAND BUTTON!

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownJune 9, 2009 at 1:38 AM

    Dude, the banana seat is all that. Miss my old Schwinn (despite the fact my family of 4 has 8 bicycles, including one helluva expensive Trek road racing bike).

    ReplyDelete
  13. Barbara EhrentreuJune 9, 2009 at 3:05 AM

    It looks like bikes haven't gone up that much in price since we bought our last bike for my oldest daughter. Buying a bike for your kid is so cool exactly for the reasons you said. My younger daughter remembers trips to Sound Beach with her friend and her sister - about a mile away from our house then. Nothing can ever replace a bike.:) You are an awesome dad to give her such a great bike.:) My kids can't bear to part with their old ones, even though they don't ride them anymore.:)

    ReplyDelete
  14. ronnibunny72June 9, 2009 at 9:49 AM

    you are a cool dad! your next blog should be about her reaction to u riding her awesome new bike :)...

    we try.

    yuv.

    ReplyDelete
  15. BellaDaddyJune 9, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    LMAO! Damn that brought back memories of my "Green Pickle" no joke...it was green, banana seat, small tire in front, large in the back...green rims, the p**sy bar, and I bought it with my own paper route money...SIGH!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Court DJune 10, 2009 at 8:13 PM

    But did she graduate from big wheels to a bike? I think we put just as many miles on our big wheels as we did on our bikes. Of course that was in the early eighties when parents could still let their kids play down the block instead of freaking out if their five year old is out of sight. Aw, the good times of freedom.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJune 10, 2009 at 8:49 PM

    And it's great when they sit by the side of the house and then it rains and oh no....they're rusted now. Can we buy some new bikes Mom?

    Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  18. MomJune 11, 2009 at 6:47 AM

    So I understand my granddaughter didn't call me about her new toy...ouch!
    I guess she's too busy.
    Anyway, about the helmet thing...back in the 70's...I believe it wasn't about parents being stupid!
    Then, helmets were for specific sports like football and hockey. I don't know specifically when it became mandated that helmets be worn when bikes were driven. I do remember, when you got your bike, helmets weren't even suggested, let alone, available for biking. It just wasn't part of the whole picture until years later. Hence, times have changed.
    By the way, I'm glad my granddaughter is still in one piece...thank goodness for these helmets!

    Mom(Better known as Gammy)

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownJune 11, 2009 at 9:17 PM

    HA! I shared a bike with my brother who had baskets on the back for delivering newspapers. I hated riding that thing, even with the super-cool banana seat. I especially hated it when he rode and I was stuck in the baskets.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just Add WalterJune 11, 2009 at 10:20 PM

    great post!!

    PS: nominated you for an award... "honest scrap".. thought it was appropriate for you! :)

    have a great rest of the week!

    ReplyDelete

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