The Thin Red Line…
There are many ways to measure a man.
One means by which a man can be measured is by his commitment to his family. In our society, men are often measured against their financial success in the working world. Some of the most prominent male role models in our country are measured by their unwavering dedication to philanthropic pursuits.
All of these gauges are valid in some shape or form but surely; no single man can be measured by just one aspect of his being. It is not any one part of a man that reflects his true self worth but rather, the sum of his parts.
Or is there?
Is there a sole barometer by which all men can be universally judged?
I believe there is. At least for me…
One of the most brutal moments of self-reflection a man can have, is what I refer to as, “The Thin Red Line.” This is the moment in which a man rises to a standing position after having been seated for a prolonged period of time and notices anywhere from one to four thin red horizontal lines running across his abdomen. These lines, depending upon a man’s girth, can go all the way up to his lower pectorals, otherwise known as, “Man Tits.” When a man notices the Thin Red Line for the first time, he is faced with a choice. He can either accept this or he can fight back.
This past Sunday, I had a BBQ with a couple of friends. This is what I ate for lunch:
One Portobello Mushroom
One serving of Potato Salad
One serving of Seafood Salad
One 12oz Rib Eye Steak
One 8oz Skirt Steak
One Large Seared Tuna Filet
Two Slices of Meatball Pizza
One McDonalds Cheeseburger
One Small Order of McDonalds French Fries
Three Vodka / Cokes
One Glass of Merlot
One Serving of Fruit Salad
One 100 Calorie Pack of Sun Chips
One Homemade Brownie
And…
A Blueberry
At the time, this seemed quite reasonable. Then I woke up the next morning and spent about an hour sitting on the toilet bowl. During this time, I had the opportunity to reflect back on my actions. This time of self-reflection made me realize a few things.
1) I am not 21 years old anymore.
2) It is most definitely possible to eat yourself to death.
3) I am smarter than this.
When I was done reflecting, so to speak, I stood up and noticed them; Three, Thin Red Lines. At that exact moment in time, I truly believe that I was able to measure myself as a man. There I stood in the bathroom, in my boxers, staring at myself in the mirror. I was able to see a man that needs to make some changes. I saw a man that needs to practice self-control. A man that needs to take care of himself, so that he can take care of his family. Finally, I saw a man that needs to measure up to a higher standard.
I need to get rid of the Thin Red Lines. I need to get rid of them, one by one, from my fat belly and more importantly, my fat head. I will not be Out-Numbered in my own skin.
One means by which a man can be measured is by his commitment to his family. In our society, men are often measured against their financial success in the working world. Some of the most prominent male role models in our country are measured by their unwavering dedication to philanthropic pursuits.
All of these gauges are valid in some shape or form but surely; no single man can be measured by just one aspect of his being. It is not any one part of a man that reflects his true self worth but rather, the sum of his parts.
Or is there?
Is there a sole barometer by which all men can be universally judged?
I believe there is. At least for me…
One of the most brutal moments of self-reflection a man can have, is what I refer to as, “The Thin Red Line.” This is the moment in which a man rises to a standing position after having been seated for a prolonged period of time and notices anywhere from one to four thin red horizontal lines running across his abdomen. These lines, depending upon a man’s girth, can go all the way up to his lower pectorals, otherwise known as, “Man Tits.” When a man notices the Thin Red Line for the first time, he is faced with a choice. He can either accept this or he can fight back.
This past Sunday, I had a BBQ with a couple of friends. This is what I ate for lunch:
One Portobello Mushroom
One serving of Potato Salad
One serving of Seafood Salad
One 12oz Rib Eye Steak
One 8oz Skirt Steak
One Large Seared Tuna Filet
Two Slices of Meatball Pizza
One McDonalds Cheeseburger
One Small Order of McDonalds French Fries
Three Vodka / Cokes
One Glass of Merlot
One Serving of Fruit Salad
One 100 Calorie Pack of Sun Chips
One Homemade Brownie
And…
A Blueberry
At the time, this seemed quite reasonable. Then I woke up the next morning and spent about an hour sitting on the toilet bowl. During this time, I had the opportunity to reflect back on my actions. This time of self-reflection made me realize a few things.
1) I am not 21 years old anymore.
2) It is most definitely possible to eat yourself to death.
3) I am smarter than this.
When I was done reflecting, so to speak, I stood up and noticed them; Three, Thin Red Lines. At that exact moment in time, I truly believe that I was able to measure myself as a man. There I stood in the bathroom, in my boxers, staring at myself in the mirror. I was able to see a man that needs to make some changes. I saw a man that needs to practice self-control. A man that needs to take care of himself, so that he can take care of his family. Finally, I saw a man that needs to measure up to a higher standard.
I need to get rid of the Thin Red Lines. I need to get rid of them, one by one, from my fat belly and more importantly, my fat head. I will not be Out-Numbered in my own skin.
tilapia every night! i'll snuggle with those 3 red lines anytime...
ReplyDeleteYUV!
Dude when you're sized for a B cup like me then you need to worry. Oh yeah you forgot you about the brownies but who's counting.
ReplyDeleteThe thin red line is followed by growing your hair long and making a parting somewhere just over your ear so that it can be swooped over the middle section ....
ReplyDeleteAs long as we don't have to see your butt crack every time you bend over in your jeans, I think we're good.
ReplyDeleteI have to tell you, I read my hubby that list and he's all "Yeah? So?" ....is it a man thing?
Can't you just think of it as more to love? I understand about wanting to get healthy to be around to take care of your family, but it seems you were a bit hard on yourself. I also understand not wanting to spend on hour in the bathroom after overeating. I never knew about the Thin Red Line. To tell you the truth, I avoid the mirror at all costs. I do, however, do try to pay attention to what I put in my mouth. But, as I read your list of foods, I did find myself thinking that it was all good.
ReplyDeleteI confess - I laughed when I read what you ate for lunch. Frankly, I don't know how you managed to find room for the blueberry.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes on getting rid of those thin red lines.
It was the one blueberry that did you in.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Love the irreverence in the way you write about it!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you CAN take better care of yourself, and it's important for your family that you do so. (I learned this after gaining way too much weight and letting my health suffer. I've lost over 100 lbs now, and my husband has also lost almost 100 lbs as well.)
Every man reaches this point I think. Mine came when I topped the scales at over 220 pounds and couldn't run around the block without breathing heavy. This year I ran my first marathon and I'm down to 190. I've never felt better in all aspect of my life. It's amazing how many just give in and continue down a very bad road. It's good you recognize it and are going to fight it. GOOD LUCK!!!
ReplyDeletewith all do respect man...you could of done without that blueberry.
ReplyDeleteWell, that was a laundry list of food. I was kinda jealous in a way, wondering where you could possibly put all that food. I was thinking maybe a hollow leg, but after you explained the hour on the toilet, ah, yes, I knew your leg was not hollow. :)
ReplyDeleteYour posts are so much fun. Thanks, you always make me smile!
This is hilarious! At least they're not thick red lines. Guess that doesn't help does it?
ReplyDeleteI think you left off the word "Pie" after "blueberry".
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks, I'll now be measuring myself in thin red lines. Like baldness isn't depressing enough.
Then again, as long as people look at me and think, "Hey look at that bald guy," instead of "Hey look at that fat guy," I guess I'm okay.
I have more of a thick red grill pattern. Looks like a checkered table cloth. Sometimes when I picnic with the fam, we just use my belly for a table. I've gotten so good at controlling my fat rolls that I can actually rotate dishes from one side to the other, sort of like a built-in Lazy Susan. It's an odd gift, really.
ReplyDeleteMy husband says he keeps his edges rounded for me. No sharp edges for me to get hurt on...
ReplyDeleteYou're a vodka drinker? I think we could be friends.
Yep, this is a parent's revenge. All the things that you made fun of your father are now coming to haunt you; and your children, in like, will make fun of you and so on down through the generations. I love it. Good Post!
ReplyDeleteThis is the second post that I have read tonight that has given me heartburn. Must be the day for food posts. You know you could make your ability to eat that much in one sitting, thin red lines or not, work for you by entering those contests where you have to eat 100 hot dogs in 5 minutes. Just a thought.
ReplyDeletehey...dont be so hard on yourself! i'm still skinny as a rail, and when i stand after sitting for a while I have a thin red line!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah...Let us do it for you ya' phat basterd! You are disgusting. How could you follow all of that great food with a blueberry and ruin the run?
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain, I wear your colors my friend.
ReplyDeleteOnce again you have gone beyond the range of normal and produced a very true article. You know this happens to women too. All of a sudden we don't recognize our body and wish that it would disappear. We'd all love to look like a man's fantasy, but the truth is that men and women slip past that period and become seasoned.
ReplyDeleteYes, you do need to get rid of those "thin red lines" - brilliant observation. But I read that combination of food that you ate and couldn't believe only one person had eaten that much! My own husband who is probably about the size of two of you, has started Nutrisystem. He likes it because he doesn't have to think about food. You just add water or microwave it and it's done. He is losing weight and becoming more of a person.But maybe this is a blog post after all.:) Great post as always. I have a link here on my blog. Go check it out.
My husband can eat like that and then gets mad at himself too!! He runs a lot so he can get away with it! I think partly our bodies change, but I agree there comes a point that we make a choice, fight it or give in! I (and my hubby) seem to fight it for a while, then give in and go back to fighting it!! It's hard to put up the fight all the time!
ReplyDeleteYour posts always crack me up!! The blueberry at the end of the list is too funny!
Hysterical post. I look forward to your posts each week.
ReplyDeleteI want to be redline free.
Would you care for a mint? It's wafer thin!
ReplyDeletehahaha. Nice PJ. Get me a bucket...
ReplyDelete