Ode To Plasma...

You were lonely but not alone.

Burning bright in a sea of glowing color.

You were bigger than the others.

A gentle giant.

Don't look at me like that with your C-Span eyes.

You had me at Hola.

We have no room for you. Too much clutter. We already have two babies.

Stop it! You know how I love Infomercials. That was a dirty trick.

One Hundred weeks and free shipping? Who says you can't buy happiness?

I want you. I need you. I feel dirty.

We like the same things; Football, Hockey, Planet of the Apes.

How will I tell my wife? She'll be jealous. I don't want to hurt her.

I heard a rumor. Is it true you're fifty inches?

Ohhhhh. Naughty.

I've never had one that big.

You know what they say?

We could do it from every angle. That's your thing, right?

I like to watch.

If I take you now, we could be together by the weekend.

Easy like Sunday Morning. Just like the song.

I don't even know your name.

Shhhhhh. Don't say a word.

I'm going to take you home.

I don't care if I have to pay for it.

It's worth it.

You can't put a price on happiness.

Bigger is definitely better.

Now that we're together, I won't be Out-Numbered any longer...

Comments

  1. UnknownOctober 26, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    Brilliant! And very funny!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lynn KellanOctober 26, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    Sweet! Once you have Plasma, you never go back.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownOctober 26, 2009 at 8:06 AM

    OMG, I'm first! I don't think I've ever been first!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anjanette YoungOctober 26, 2009 at 8:06 AM

    Oh I am jealous, mine is only 32".. Love when they are big like that.

    Enjoy your new love affair...

    ReplyDelete
  5. MikeOctober 26, 2009 at 9:03 AM

    I feel cheated, robbed of my Monday AM ritual. This was lame. Cop out.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousOctober 26, 2009 at 10:12 AM

    "The Other One"
    I was there for you since you were married. You and your wife both turned me on and off. Over and over again... for years. 10 Years ago, I was big & stylish. Heads turned over my size. Eyes didn't squint to see me in action. But now, you find comfort in another. And a cheaper one, at that. Well, instead of you kicking me to the curb, I have found a new home. You know what, I am loved again. Oh, and by the way-- I always hated the Chargers. What kind of guy in New York likes the San Diego Chargers, anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aspen Real LifeOctober 26, 2009 at 10:33 AM

    I NEED those fifty inches!

    Hey Jason, I feel your pain as I too never thought that I would have three boys and be so outnumbered.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mr. ManOctober 26, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    Very well written. Finally you have a partner in crime. The double entendres were on point and funny!

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownOctober 26, 2009 at 12:23 PM

    Size certainly matters, and the bigger the better. Best wishes to the happy couple. And, remember, you can continue to look - there's no law against that! Plus, over time, she might be open to bringing another one, or two, into the mix!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousOctober 26, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    Very nice! I went out camera shopping this weekend and instead almost bought a new TV myself - they had 18 months zero percent. Then I realized my wife would kill me if I bought yet another TV. I've already conned her on the 'need' to upgraded twice in five years. Football is so much better when you're watching it on big screen like that in the comfort of your own living room.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MaxOctober 26, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    Oh you dirty, dirty boy. LMAO

    Enjoy your new tv. I'm only a little jealous of you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ChrisOctober 26, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    Yep, I just recently made the conversion to HD. A whole new world, really.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnotherLindaOctober 26, 2009 at 3:54 PM

    Hahahaha. I'll never look at my television the same way again. Thanks!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. ronnibunny72October 26, 2009 at 8:34 PM

    it is big and beautiful!

    YUV!

    ReplyDelete
  15. SurprisedMomOctober 27, 2009 at 1:47 AM

    I want one . . . and not even to watch football on!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Barbara EhrentreuOctober 27, 2009 at 4:33 AM

    Very clever! We got an HD, and resisted the plasma. But they do call to you. Enjoy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. DanOctober 27, 2009 at 5:33 AM

    oooooo nice.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ZakaryOctober 27, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    Well played.

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownOctober 28, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    This is great.

    We have one. The wife (me) said we absolutely didn't need it, but loves it now. But ssh.

    ReplyDelete
  20. MomOctober 29, 2009 at 7:03 AM

    You never cease to amaze me.
    At first I didn't know where this was going. As I continued to read I suspected it was your new T.V..
    You are so funny.

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  21. SurprisedMomNovember 23, 2009 at 2:19 AM

    Oh, you'll still be outnumbered, but it will be easier to get lost in all those male type of programs with that huge thing you call a plasma TV. Thanks for the laughs.

    ReplyDelete

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