When The Time Comes...
To My Sweet Daughters,
If you are reading this post, chances are I am either dead, watching football or hiding from your Mother. It is also quite possible that it is a combination of the latter two. Regardless of the circumstance, I am assuming you are reading this some years from now...
You might be wondering why I have an entire journal of my life and experiences, posted on the internet, for all the world to see? (with the exception of the Amish. Assuming they are still not using the internet.) The answer is complicated but I'll try to explain it to you now.
Parents take a lot of pictures of their kids. We also take a lot of videos to capture some of the most important moments in our lives. The problem is we're too lazy and often too inept, to organize them and put them into photo albums for you to look at later on in life. The videos also become totally obsolete and useless after about three years because the tape formats change so frequently. This is precisely why your Mother and I will never get to watch that video we made together in college. Who the hell has a God damn C-VHS converter nowadays? The point is, I wanted to keep a detailed journal of all the times we were going to share. Good, Bad and even Ugly.
My hope was that someday, when you have Rugrats of your own, you can look back on the hundreds of entries in this journal and find some extremely specific references that relate back to experiences you might be having in your journey through parenthood.
The truth of the matter is, being a Dad hasn't always been a cake walk and contrary to popular belief, raising kids isn't always by the book. Every day isn't always a Brady Bunch day. As a matter of fact, it's fucking hard as hell. By the way, I curse a lot in this journal. I know I've always told you not to say bad words and it seems a bit hypocritical of me but that's why I curse here. Because I always thought it was important not to use bad language around you two. This journal was my safe haven.
I want you to know that I'm totally fine with you reading all of these things but at the same time I want you to understand that there are things in here that you might find a bit hurtful or confusing... I promise this was not my intention. When I think about this, it upsets me. The problem is, even though daughters sometimes think of their Dad's as perfect, this couldn't be further from the truth. Your Dad has a ton of flaws and sometimes those imperfections are hard to hide but this is exactly why I want you to read this stuff. Being a parent is anything but perfect. It's impossible not to mess up. Sometimes you screw things up daily. Only when you accept, that this is OK, is when you gain the power to understand that it is all part of the amazing journey.
The two of you make me so proud. I can't imagine what my life would be like without the two of you in it. Getting up every day is so much easier knowing that your precious faces will be there to greet me. Even though you both know exactly how to push my buttons, there isn't a second that goes by that I don't feel the essence of your very soul, pumping through my veins. You are truly a part of me and I can't remember myself before you came along.
So go ahead and read on my dear children. I hope that you take solace in knowing that the times we had together were anything but ordinary. Because each of you are so completely and utterly unique as human beings, there are plenty of surprises you will find in here along the way. Enjoy them and take them for what they are. Honest moments in time...
While writing this journal has been rewarding and fun in so many ways, it's also been a test of wills at times. When you expose your life in an honest way, people judge you based on the words you write. More often than not, this judgement is passed by total strangers who can't possibly know how much I care for you. I've learned from those people but not about parenting. I've learned that I write this journal for YOU and for no one else but you. If I'm not true to myself with the words that I write, than in turn, I'm not being true to you.
Someone once said that, "Words are like feathers in the wind. Once you let them go, you can never get them back again. They are gone forever, so be careful with the words you choose."
Unfortunately I heard this after I called you guys assholes in one of my entries. Sorry about that. I took a lot of shit for that one from Mom and Grandma. My bad...
If in fact you are reading this and I am watching football, can you please bring me a beer? I've probably gained about 60 pounds since writing this and it's a good bet that I'm too God Damn fat and lazy to get up the stairs to get it myself. Oh and bring the Chips and Salsa while you're at it. Thanks. I love you both!
Your Out-Numbered (Hopefully watching football or at least in Heaven.)
Dad...
If you are reading this post, chances are I am either dead, watching football or hiding from your Mother. It is also quite possible that it is a combination of the latter two. Regardless of the circumstance, I am assuming you are reading this some years from now...
You might be wondering why I have an entire journal of my life and experiences, posted on the internet, for all the world to see? (with the exception of the Amish. Assuming they are still not using the internet.) The answer is complicated but I'll try to explain it to you now.
Parents take a lot of pictures of their kids. We also take a lot of videos to capture some of the most important moments in our lives. The problem is we're too lazy and often too inept, to organize them and put them into photo albums for you to look at later on in life. The videos also become totally obsolete and useless after about three years because the tape formats change so frequently. This is precisely why your Mother and I will never get to watch that video we made together in college. Who the hell has a God damn C-VHS converter nowadays? The point is, I wanted to keep a detailed journal of all the times we were going to share. Good, Bad and even Ugly.
My hope was that someday, when you have Rugrats of your own, you can look back on the hundreds of entries in this journal and find some extremely specific references that relate back to experiences you might be having in your journey through parenthood.
The truth of the matter is, being a Dad hasn't always been a cake walk and contrary to popular belief, raising kids isn't always by the book. Every day isn't always a Brady Bunch day. As a matter of fact, it's fucking hard as hell. By the way, I curse a lot in this journal. I know I've always told you not to say bad words and it seems a bit hypocritical of me but that's why I curse here. Because I always thought it was important not to use bad language around you two. This journal was my safe haven.
I want you to know that I'm totally fine with you reading all of these things but at the same time I want you to understand that there are things in here that you might find a bit hurtful or confusing... I promise this was not my intention. When I think about this, it upsets me. The problem is, even though daughters sometimes think of their Dad's as perfect, this couldn't be further from the truth. Your Dad has a ton of flaws and sometimes those imperfections are hard to hide but this is exactly why I want you to read this stuff. Being a parent is anything but perfect. It's impossible not to mess up. Sometimes you screw things up daily. Only when you accept, that this is OK, is when you gain the power to understand that it is all part of the amazing journey.
The two of you make me so proud. I can't imagine what my life would be like without the two of you in it. Getting up every day is so much easier knowing that your precious faces will be there to greet me. Even though you both know exactly how to push my buttons, there isn't a second that goes by that I don't feel the essence of your very soul, pumping through my veins. You are truly a part of me and I can't remember myself before you came along.
So go ahead and read on my dear children. I hope that you take solace in knowing that the times we had together were anything but ordinary. Because each of you are so completely and utterly unique as human beings, there are plenty of surprises you will find in here along the way. Enjoy them and take them for what they are. Honest moments in time...
While writing this journal has been rewarding and fun in so many ways, it's also been a test of wills at times. When you expose your life in an honest way, people judge you based on the words you write. More often than not, this judgement is passed by total strangers who can't possibly know how much I care for you. I've learned from those people but not about parenting. I've learned that I write this journal for YOU and for no one else but you. If I'm not true to myself with the words that I write, than in turn, I'm not being true to you.
Someone once said that, "Words are like feathers in the wind. Once you let them go, you can never get them back again. They are gone forever, so be careful with the words you choose."
Unfortunately I heard this after I called you guys assholes in one of my entries. Sorry about that. I took a lot of shit for that one from Mom and Grandma. My bad...
If in fact you are reading this and I am watching football, can you please bring me a beer? I've probably gained about 60 pounds since writing this and it's a good bet that I'm too God Damn fat and lazy to get up the stairs to get it myself. Oh and bring the Chips and Salsa while you're at it. Thanks. I love you both!
Your Out-Numbered (Hopefully watching football or at least in Heaven.)
Dad...
This is a sweet side of you we rarely get to see. I like it alot, because it gave you the opportunity to apologize to your so called rugrats. I am sure that they will have a lot of laughs with you over these blogs one day!
ReplyDeleteWell done Jay Mayo !
ReplyDeleteyou know how I know you're gay...?
ReplyDeleteThat was lovely. I appreciated that you articulated something of what it feels like when you are a dad who loves his kids. Completely and utterly powerless and totally and irrevocably responsible at the same time.
ReplyDeleteYou made me tear up. Such a sweet post.
ReplyDeleteGreat job, Jason. I knew that post where you called them assholes was gonna earn you some shit.
ReplyDeleteI love your description of feeling your kids' souls pumping through your veins.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that.
This should have been your first Blog before they read the rest.
ReplyDeleteNice. Will you adopt me? I had a crappy Daddy--well, crappier than you. You're better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful letter to your daughters. What you said about parenthood is so true.
ReplyDeleteYou're so cute *pinches cheeks* I appreciate this post, I like sentimentality. Its sweet, and I feel that its sincere. But...one thing that must be kept in mind regarding name-calling and young children is that they are YOUR children. They are being raised by YOU. They know WHO and HOW you are. And I really don't think that they would ever get their feelings hurt by a post like that. Especially not if they're old enough to have little A-holes of their own. . .so don't worry about such nonsense, and what others say. THEY'LL get you when the time comes, and - like you said - that is all that matters.
ReplyDeletegreat job! i was waiting for clowns to fall from the ceiling instead of sentimental tears...
ReplyDeleteSo,just to balance out the emotional rollercoaster here is MY take on those bundles of joy
http://letmygerbilgo.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/if-i-had-children-id-have-to-worry-about-things-like-this/
Oh Jay! What a sweet entry! But hey, you have every right to call your kids a-holes from time to time. On a later date, they will do the same to you. And when they read through this, they will know they were reading the words of someone who was writing what he feels and they will feel the love that comes through. You'll be surprised how much stronger that is than false mutterings of sweet names is - without the actual bonding - when it gets right down to it. Keep going, outnumbered though you are!!!! ;) RC
ReplyDeleteparenting is the hardest job. so far i think we are doing ok! our girls are so in love with you and someday they will call us both assholes. (well maybe me a bit more) :)
ReplyDeleteYUV!
Mind if I save this for my kid to read, later in life? LOL...as always, right on the money!
ReplyDeleteMy daughter (who is now 13) reads my blog every now and then, although to tell you the truth, I don't update it enough to keep her attention. She doesn't seek it out on her own, but mostly through not-so-subtle hints by me or, decidedly more effective, an update of my Facebook status. In fact, we often communicate using FB's chat feature while both of us are in the same house. I kid you not.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I could have been wounded by her response to my query as to whether she'd ever seen my blog, with "Oh, you mean your menopause blog? Yeah -- I've seen it," but I wasn't. In fact, it was one of my proudest Moments in Parenthood to date.
"I can't remember myself before you came along." THAT is the very thing that makes one a good parent.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful!! It touched me and made me smile and I just loved it. Your girls will love reading this blog someday. ~Susan
ReplyDeleteLovely post. Lovely father.
ReplyDeleteGreat! I was about to start a personal blog, now I'm having second thoughts.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should take the plunge anyway in hope they don't send me to an old folks home 20 years from now.
Nice post. I think we all want to share these journals with our kids. While mine is a bit more kid friendly it still reveals me as a real imperfect person. I think that is great thing. We don't need to be perfect. We just need to love our kids more than anything. Cursing in a blog won't change that.
ReplyDelete@Otter Thomas - Ahhhh Always love what you have to say my friend... I'm glad that most people get it. Thanks...
ReplyDeleteVery cool post. I often wonder what it would have been like to have a dad that "shared". My dad's the good ol' cowboy that took care of everything life brought my way (good and bad), but he was a little inept at the emotions department.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very cool dad. Your girls are lucky. Kudos!
How sweet this is...
ReplyDeleteYou are quite a writer, and they'll appreciate this one, someday.