The Saddest Thing I've Ever Heard...

Fact:

A child laughs up to 300 times a day. Compared to an adult, who laughs only 10-15 times a day on average.

Assuming this statistic is correct, I would probably categorize this as the saddest thing I have ever heard.

I can’t help but draw the following conclusion from the aforementioned statement:

When we are children, we are so happy and so free spirited, that we can’t help but express ourselves through laughter; Sometimes as much as 300 times a day.





With the exception of rolling my eyes or sighing, I can’t think of anything that I do 300 times a day.

What’s even more depressing is that somewhere along the way, society will deliver the inevitable kick to the nuts of a child. From that point on, little Huck Finn begins his slow, cold, spiraling decent into the dark abyss of adulthood.





Who’s laughing now?

Not me.






I’m fucking pissed. You know why? Because it’s impossible to recapture that innocence. You can’t recreate it. It’s gone; Like a fart in the wind.

This also clears a few things up for me. Are you ever just sitting around the house and you hear your kids laughing uncontrollably?





This happens all the time around my place. Whenever I hear that sound, first I smile.





But then for some reason, I always get a little emotional and it makes me sad.






Not in a start bawling like a big pussy sort of way but my eyes well up a little and I try to hold on to the moment for a bit. I always thought that maybe that’s just what parents do. Maybe it conjures up some repressed shitty memories from my childhood?


Nope.

It makes me sad because that feeling of reckless joy was ripped out of me like the gizzards of a chicken and inevitably will be ripped away from my kids as well.

There will be tests that stress them out, bullies that kick the snot out of them for their fucking Twinkies. Hell, they probably won’t even have Twinkies by then. Then they’ll grow tits and pubes and have to deal with zits and just when it’s about all they can handle? BAM! Some douche bag boyfriend will make them feel like a pile of garbage and I’ll be too fat, old and bald to kick his ass.

I don’t even remember what I was talking about.

Right. The saddest thing I’ve ever heard.

Well I have news for you.

The following statement is not a threat. It is a PROMISE:

Dear Life,

I see your anger, your cruelty and your sadness; and I raise you joy, comfort and laughter. I will not allow you to bitch slap me or my awesomely happy kids, into submission any longer. I will fight your wickedly, complacent ways to the death and win. I will Out-Number you with humor and love.

I will start right now, with this blog…

Join me.








Comments

  1. Daddy FilesNovember 29, 2009 at 10:25 AM

    It may be an impossible battle but I admire the will to fight it anyway!

    ReplyDelete
  2. JohnnyBNovember 29, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    I have several special memories of my daughter that involve her laughing like that - for example when, at 4, she would wrestle me down and sit on top of me and I let her believe she had conquered me. Our best times now, when she's 20, are when we laugh together uncontrollably at some comedian or at someone on TV we are mocking or at those same old memories and I know she did totally conquer me long ago. I do my best to keep that laughter going.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My Bottle's Up!November 29, 2009 at 10:40 AM

    word! let's knock this bitch out!

    (ps- i think you meant "bawling" and not "balling" but i could be wrong as you incessantly refer to balls. i'm just sayin.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. LisaNovember 29, 2009 at 10:43 AM

    Jason, I agree with you. I think one reason the tween/teen years are so tough on parents is we witness the transformation from loving, giggling, snuggling creatures who believe in magic and mythical creatures into human beings who are clawing to become adults with such lust that they are willing to leave all of that magic and laughter behind, all in the name of growing up. Sometimes I just want them to stop growing. My Macs are 10 and almost 12. The snuggling, the hugging, the kissing, all that is gone. It has been replaced with sighs and embarassment. I just wish they wouldn't run so fast towards adulthood that they forget to laught along the way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Homemaker ManNovember 29, 2009 at 11:07 AM

    We believe in the constant battle against the forces of adulthood angst at my house too. The thing is, our brains undergo such a huge chemical/physiological upheaval in our teen years, I think unrestrained joy is something we all have to re-learn when we reach adulthood. I hope that providing examples of joy and happiness when our kids are young will make it easier for them to get back to it when they're older.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousNovember 29, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Wow. We're going through some rough times in our house. And this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear, especially the last part. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. USA2AUSNovember 29, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    "...what he said..."

    ReplyDelete
  8. AdamNovember 29, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    Great piece Jay. At least you have kids that allow you to reexperience that joy in some way. But like you said. It can't really be recaptured like your first drunk, high or orgasm.

    ReplyDelete
  9. GabrieleNovember 29, 2009 at 2:00 PM

    Just figure your kids have grown into adults and all that's left is to fill the void of missing laughter and giggles with grand children...
    I had totally forgotten about those happy days. Now, I am nostalgic.
    Good luck with fighting the system...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Lynn KellanNovember 29, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    I'll join you on your quest! From now on, the glass is half full!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Plastic MancunianNovember 29, 2009 at 2:49 PM

    Good luck with that - I agree with you totally

    Here's my smile ...

    :-)

    Cheers

    PM

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownNovember 29, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    This is fantastic Jason! And I'll join you in fighting off those evildoers who threaten the innocense of our children!

    The infectious laughter of a child... priceless.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Reservoir DadNovember 29, 2009 at 5:47 PM

    No point being sullen. Being young is just a phase. If we were laughing like children all day we'd be running around banging into each other and everything would be messy and eventually violent. Hearing the kids laugh is a real joy. Not many things make me laugh outright anymore but plenty of things make me smile and if my kids grow into this kind of appreciation I'll be wrapped for them. Life is pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  14. pixielationNovember 29, 2009 at 5:52 PM

    I get the feeling that if I laughed 300 times in one single day, they might take my kids away from me under the mental health act. But there IS nothing sadder than the thought that growing up means laughing less.

    And there is nothing more fantastic than the infectious laughter of a child.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Opinionated GiftsNovember 29, 2009 at 10:55 PM

    Here's the thing.

    You can actually make yourself laugh.

    Seriously.

    If you just start out by saying Ha Ha Ha hee hee hee...or some derivation thereof...you actually begin to laugh for real.

    And best of all, you are laughing for no good reason whatsoever.

    Seriously. Try it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Baby Seil BlogNovember 30, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    Now, this is some hardcore writing... love it:

    "Then they’ll grow tits and pubes and have to deal with zits and just when it’s about all they can handle? BAM! Some douche bag boyfriend will make them feel like a pile of garbage and I’ll be too fat, old and bald to kick his ass."

    ReplyDelete
  17. The pale observerNovember 30, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    Love this post - and that baby video makes everyone laugh.

    I hereby join you - even though this week my work is throwing acid at my face by forcing me to engage in copious spreadsheets, signing my life away to an unachievable budget for next year.... sigh....

    ReplyDelete
  18. ChristineNovember 30, 2009 at 10:48 AM

    This is a great post and I totaly agree!! It's been a strange transition in my household from a house full of laughter of two little boys to a house full of teenaged angst. Luckily we still laugh together but it's not as often as it used to be!

    ReplyDelete
  19. IlonaNovember 30, 2009 at 10:51 AM

    Their laugh...wow, dude, I live for it. Looking in the mirror the other day I saw tons of little lines around my eyes. Naturally, at first, I got all self conscious. Being 6'2", russian and clumsy as all hell...I can't afford anymore "ugliness", but then I realized that these lines came from smiling too much since her birth, purely and wide. I will keep those lines with pride.

    ReplyDelete
  20. HarrietNovember 30, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    I knew an adult that laughed 300 times a day...it was about 20 minutes after the first meds set in.
    Adults appreciate humor but we don't react to it the same way children do because we can control the affects of the situation, so we enjoy but we do not lose control, the same with crying. I wonder how many times a day a child cries as opposed to ... See Morean adult. Again, we feel the sadness, even the pain, but we do not totally give over control to our emotions, rather we filter, so that our emotions do not rule our intellect and also...we would rather look like babbling idjots when alone.

    ReplyDelete
  21. jdemottNovember 30, 2009 at 12:01 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. jdemottNovember 30, 2009 at 12:06 PM

    With four kids, my house is nearly constantly noisy.

    Screaming, crying, talking loudly, using WebKinz, playing video games or watching television with the volume cranked, racing down halls, bouncing balls, pushing/pulling/banging noise-making toys, boys taunting girl or girl hitting boys and, yes, sometimes there is uproarious laughing for no apparent reason.

    At times, amidst the cacohpany of unpleasant sounds, even the laughter meets the same fate.

    BE QUIET!!!

    I realized something reading your post. I am a laugh stealing jackass, at times.

    Gulp.

    ReplyDelete
  23. ChrisNovember 30, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    Laughter is a great thing. I do like to think that I laugh more than most people, but nowhere near 300 times a day.

    Here's to spreading laughter, my friend. I'm with you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. MomNovember 30, 2009 at 9:14 PM

    That's the way to go, son.
    Think only positive thoughts.

    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  25. HeathDecember 1, 2009 at 12:22 PM

    I can definitely believe that kids laugh that much...my daughter seems to laugh at everything dad does!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousDecember 1, 2009 at 8:04 PM

    My 21 yr. old and I just had a hysterical laughing fit over the boot camp rant in full metal jacket. I love to introduce my kids to something new that tickles them. Grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousDecember 2, 2009 at 1:14 AM

    What's even sadder is if you don't have kids!

    Great post, great blog. Thank you for bringing some laughter into my life - even if it's only my own.

    -DelRioChick

    ReplyDelete
  28. Zoey @ Good GoogDecember 3, 2009 at 6:16 AM

    Wow that is incredibly depressing. And I don't think that 300 number is an exaggeration. I think my toddler would laugh that much easily.

    I read somewhere that children's laugher is more addictive (to their parents) than heroin. I concur.

    ReplyDelete
  29. StacieDecember 5, 2009 at 11:55 PM

    I'm right behind you. I think I will post your promise on my bulletin board in the kitchen.

    ReplyDelete

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