It's Eating Her Brain. I'm Eating Potato Chips...
I am a bad parent.
I have been lying on the couch, watching football all afternoon. My wife is out with my youngest daughter. I am home alone with my 7 year old.
I haven't fed her lunch or even checked on her in quite some time. She knows where we hide the 100 calorie packs. This should suffice.
I'm not overly worried but I am becoming a tad concerned.
She's playing with her Nintendo DS.
Playing is probably not the most accurate description.
She's melded with it.
I hear her grunting, like an old man digging a ditch.
What's even more disconcerting is what follows. There is a pattern developing. Every so often, she shrieks and yells.
"FUCK!"
and then there is quiet.
and then a whisper.
"Sorry".
Who is she apologizing to? Is she sorry for using inappropriate language? Is she apologizing to her Nintendo DS? Is she apologizing to me?
I'd like to think it is the latter. She knows I don't allow that type of language in the house.
But I am a floor below her.
On a couch.
Wrapped in a fleece blanket.
Watching football.
With Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chips on my face and Ranch Dip in my hair.
I think about getting up and taking the Nintendo DS from her.
"You should read a book. Enough of the game and watch your language."
But that would ruin everything for me.
So I stay on the couch and pretend it isn't happening. The Nintendo DS is my ally.
From upstairs
"UGH. FUCK!"
She'll be OK.
My wife will be home soon.
And I'll be Out-Numbered once again...
Now for an extra treat, mosey on over to MamaPop and have a look at my latest offering. Just click on the way over sized text below:
Why American Idol Needs Howard Stern
I have been lying on the couch, watching football all afternoon. My wife is out with my youngest daughter. I am home alone with my 7 year old.
I haven't fed her lunch or even checked on her in quite some time. She knows where we hide the 100 calorie packs. This should suffice.
I'm not overly worried but I am becoming a tad concerned.
She's playing with her Nintendo DS.
Playing is probably not the most accurate description.
She's melded with it.
I hear her grunting, like an old man digging a ditch.
What's even more disconcerting is what follows. There is a pattern developing. Every so often, she shrieks and yells.
"FUCK!"
and then there is quiet.
and then a whisper.
"Sorry".
Who is she apologizing to? Is she sorry for using inappropriate language? Is she apologizing to her Nintendo DS? Is she apologizing to me?
I'd like to think it is the latter. She knows I don't allow that type of language in the house.
But I am a floor below her.
On a couch.
Wrapped in a fleece blanket.
Watching football.
With Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chips on my face and Ranch Dip in my hair.
I think about getting up and taking the Nintendo DS from her.
"You should read a book. Enough of the game and watch your language."
But that would ruin everything for me.
So I stay on the couch and pretend it isn't happening. The Nintendo DS is my ally.
From upstairs
"UGH. FUCK!"
She'll be OK.
My wife will be home soon.
And I'll be Out-Numbered once again...
Now for an extra treat, mosey on over to MamaPop and have a look at my latest offering. Just click on the way over sized text below:
Why American Idol Needs Howard Stern
To hell with you and your Sour Cream and Cheddar Potato Chips! I haven't had those in years, and not by choice.
ReplyDeleteAnyway - 'tis the season for football (and hockey, thankyouverymuch) and cussing.
I love a girl that swears and apologizes in the same breath.
ReplyDeleteIt is kind of funny to hear someone that small let a few curse words fly. Like when my five year old says "shit." I suppose I'm a bad parent for not being hard enough on him for doing it.
ReplyDeleteThis is how my husband rolls too.
ReplyDeleteSo, yeah, as a parent I feel sometimes it's okay to enjoy the quiet time video games or TV afford us. As for the cursing, if a child says shit in the forest and no one is around to hear it.....
ReplyDeleteI also read your Howard Stern article. I would totally start watching that show for the first time ever if he was a judge. The rest of them are too vanilla.
At least she apologized after she said it. See you have taught her remorse. I say A for effort and by the way, you may want to wash the ranch dip out of your hair.....
ReplyDeleteIf you were watching the Eagles, then I can totally understand why you wouldn't want to tear yourself away from watching that AWESOME football team.
ReplyDeleteI tend to get "lost" in a football game from time to time, but only when the wife is gone. I guess that makes us similarly awesome.
ReplyDeleteWell, at least she's apologizing. And depending on what team you root for (I'm hoping Jets since you're a NY Ranger fan), perhaps you were showing some restraint by NOT using the f-word.
ReplyDeleteWhen my son says fuck it cracks me up, he's 6. The first time he said, "I'm just a fuck it." So cute and so wrong.
ReplyDeletemuch love
Hey, I get you. All snuggled up on the couch in a fleece blanket (NOT a Snuggie). Of course she needed to let spread her wings and practice using her newly acquired potty mouth.
ReplyDeleteummmm, okay now I will type in ENGLISH, which by the way IS my first language.
ReplyDeleteShould have read "Of course you needed to let her spread her wings and practice using her newly acquired potty mouth."
Yep, I am an edumacationer of them youngins brains. I give them good learnins. :)
This is definitely how my husband rolls too. He'll leave my son alone for AGES at the Playstation. Or possibly worse is when they play together. I heard them playing an X-Men game against each other the other day. Much pounding and grunting and yelling ensued, capped with a whiny bellow of "I don't wanna be Forge. Forge SUCKS!" That last bit was from the 30-year-old child.
ReplyDeletewell at least she used it in the correct context. i'm sure that will not be the worst thing she ever says. we are great role models....
ReplyDeleteYUV!
No need to get up... you must be doing something right..she does say sorry after all (-:
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'll ever understand so many parents condoning a 7 year old child's cursing, even to herself and then apologizing, to herself. Call me old-fashioned...conservative but when each of my kids were 7 they didn't say those words neither did they hear it from their parents or step-parent. If they did say it they were spoken to. Son, and my other two children, correct me if I'm wrong.
ReplyDeleteMy 16 year old son has always been allowed to curse in the privacy of his bedroom, but nowhere else. He's a great kid.... honor student, clubs, band, gifted program, etc.... but boy, he does like the "f" word! I'm lucky he understands that it's not appropriate in most situations. Call me a bad parent if you want, but it works for me!
ReplyDeleteYeah, well you probably let her watch the Soprano's...like we do now? HA!
ReplyDeleteI say let everything slide except for your daughters down a stripper pole. In my eye's, that's the only thing you need to put a stop too IF! it ever happens.
ReplyDelete"I love my dead gay son!"
Okay this was so damn funny! love it!
ReplyDeletePS. Love your blog so I am featuring it today on my online radio show 12pm EST http://bit.ly/ffhumor
I dread to think that this is what my hubby would do also. Let the F-bomb fly rather than disturb his own comfort!
ReplyDeleteNow me on the other hand, I'd have screamed blue murder without moving a muscle, and told her to go to her room, and banned the DS for a month.