SECRET WEAPON...

I love Canada.

I love their beer.

I love their crazy policemen, that dress like the Nutcracker.

I even love Martin Short.

But today is different.

Today I must distance myself.

I must channel everything that is evil about Canada in order to vilify them in my mind.

I must think of Celine Deon and how she makes me want to rip my own face off. I must think of Avril Lavigne and how she makes me want to rip Celine Deon's face off. I will burn my Corey Haim DVD collection. I will throw away my Elvis Stojko autographed figure skates.

I will shatter my Rush Albums.

Well, maybe not the Rush Albums. They're awesome.

Be afraid Canada.

Be very afraid...




GO USA!!!

Comments

  1. KathyFebruary 28, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    Luckily, being Canadian, I can love Canada AND cheer for the Canadian men's team today! With any luck, they'll play like our ladies did on Thursday :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kate, aka GuavaliciousFebruary 28, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    I am with you brother! No Fin Du Monde for me today, in solidarity. Go USA! With Captain America on our side, how can we lose?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Daddy ScratchesFebruary 28, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    Confession: I could care less about the outcome of the hockey game ... but this post? This is inspiring. Suddenly, I want to kick Dudley Do-Right's ass.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Melissa P.February 28, 2010 at 10:34 AM

    GO USA!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. UliFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    Dude.....as a hockey fan and a super-patriot every four years, I torched all of our maple syrup in the front yard this morning in anticipation of the upcoming grudge match. Plus I ran over a Shania Twain album I found in a parking lot. Least I could do.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Lynn KellanFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    USA...USA...USA...
    Although, it was fun to watch Canada win the gold medal in Curling.

    ReplyDelete
  7. MaxFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    I agree with Lynn. It was amazing to watch the Canadian men win the gold in curling. Doesn't mean I'm rooting for them in hockey though. Go USA!

    ReplyDelete
  8. LisaFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    Ummmmm, what't the big deal? Isn't Canada the 51st state in the USA? Really, Canada is a country? Hmmmmmmm, I just figured they speak English so they must be one of us, right? ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. PammerFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    Absolutely. USA. Lights out.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Red Haired FriendFebruary 28, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    Eh?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Toddler Knows BestFebruary 28, 2010 at 12:02 PM

    nice 'stache!

    ReplyDelete
  12. MahoneyMusingsFebruary 28, 2010 at 1:01 PM

    Be afraid? Donald Sutherland is Jack Bauer's dad.

    Donald Sutherland wants us Canadians to win today. "May the best team win. And if the other team is the best, I hope they lose."

    We're covered. And team USA needs to watch their backs. Jack's like a ninja.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Teacher MommyFebruary 28, 2010 at 1:05 PM

    Um. You're on Team AZU? I'm confused... :P

    ReplyDelete
  14. snoopysnowconeFebruary 28, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    dude, don't diss on corey haim, he is my long lost twin brother...and if you're even thinking about burning your rush albums, i will gladly take them off your hands! GO USA HOCKEY!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. IT (aka Ivan Toblog)February 28, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    @ Teacher Mommy ~ I think is says A2U.

    ReplyDelete
  16. UnknownMarch 1, 2010 at 8:43 AM

    Is that Captain America on your shoulder? I thought so!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Scott S.March 1, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    I know it was you that guided that 2nd goal in to force the OT. This was so damn funny.

    ReplyDelete

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