My Wife Left Me...

I'm alone.

She's gone.

She told me she was leaving me and that she was taking my kids away from me too.

At first I was stunned.

Why would she leave?

Did she not want to be with me?

And the kids. How could she take care of them, all by herself.

This is the first time I've been alone since the day we met.

The house feels empty.

Cold.

I would always yell at them to turn the lights off when they leave the room.

"You're wasting electricity! Doesn't anyone in the house care?"

Now I walk around the house, turning all the lights on. Room after room. Light after light.

Click.
Click.
Click.

I don't know what to do with myself. The sound of the television reminds me of them.

I watch Blues Clues. It makes me cry.

I didn't get in until 5am this morning.

I'm tired.

Maybe I'll just try and sleep all day.

Shut down. Recharge the battery.

I made some plans with they guys. OutBack Steakhouse and Shutter Island.

That should keep me busy for awhile but they'll ask how I'm doing and I'll probably lie to them.

They'll make some jokes about me finally having my space. They'll say that they wish their wives would leave them too.

I'll tell them it's not all it's cracked up to be.

"Who's gonna do my laundry?"

Everyone will laugh.

I guess I will too.

After all...

It's only a quick trip to see her parents. She'll be back on Monday. Kids and all.

I'll enjoy it while I can.























No detail is too small...

Now if you'll excuse me. I have a Zombie movie with a side of Beef Jerky, waiting for me in the den. I think I'll watch it in my underwear. Thank you very much.

No one is Out-Numbered in this house, this weekend...

Comments

  1. kdiddyMarch 6, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    gah, dude, you scared me. just don't be a douche and dribble on the rim or surrounding floor, alright?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Redneck MommyMarch 6, 2010 at 3:50 PM

    Toilet seat up and beef jerky?

    Clearly you have not forgotten how to have fun.

    ReplyDelete
  3. KathyMarch 6, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    Enjoy your underwear wearing, beef-jerky eating, zombie watching afternoon. Just don't forget to make sure you've got toilet paper BEFORE you sit (got a giggle at your tweet this morn)!

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownMarch 6, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    Enjoy your "man" time! It'll be over sooner than you think! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Adoption of JaneMarch 6, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    Dang and i was crying for you, I'm such a Sucker!! LOL!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Chronicles of MomniaMarch 6, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    lol! great post! and, yes, enjoy the silence...

    ReplyDelete
  7. KittyMarch 6, 2010 at 6:39 PM

    As long as the movie is not Porn of the Dead and the beef your jerkin goes in you mouth and not in your hand...thats cool. Enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Momo FaliMarch 6, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    I am never alone. NEVER. I can't eat jerky without someone asking for a bite. Which is why I went out and bought the spicy kind. That'll teach 'em not to mess with my processed beef snacks!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tales of Cheerios and Sleepless NightsMarch 6, 2010 at 9:16 PM

    I'm a chick, and a zombie movie with a side of been jerky sounds exactly like my kind of night.

    ReplyDelete
  10. LisaMarch 6, 2010 at 9:31 PM

    Whatever you do, just don't get the ManFlu with her gone. It would be the end of your world as you know it. You. just. could. not. make. it.

    Hang in there and enjoy the testosterone supremacy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. tom the girlMarch 6, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    i was feeling all bad for you for a second.

    meanie

    =P

    ReplyDelete
  12. BHJMarch 6, 2010 at 10:40 PM

    You had me hurting for you, you bitch. This is the last time I invest in you emotionally. "Jon, I have cancer." I laugh in your face, wolf cryer.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Fawn. Like a deer.March 6, 2010 at 11:31 PM

    Dude. DUDE. Don't scare me like that. And I don't even know you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Barbara EhrentreuMarch 7, 2010 at 12:09 AM

    Have to admit you scared me too!! But then I figured it was only temporary. The reason I figured this out was there was no crying and no anger. Just matter of fact and even a little bit of glee at the freedom.:) Enjoy it for another day.

    ReplyDelete
  15. ChrisMarch 7, 2010 at 12:48 AM

    Let the farts fly, dude. Oh wait, I've read your other posts. That's one thing that DOESN'T change when the ladies are around.

    Anyway, enjoy the freedom.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Out-NumberedMarch 7, 2010 at 2:04 AM

    2am and watching Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Life is good. I think I'll eat a cookie.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sarah FaderMarch 7, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    If I were left alone without my son and boyfriend, I would sit in a dark room watching Blue's Clues and cry just like you.

    Then I would party like it's 1999. And then I'd eat a box full of mallomars and cry again.

    That being said, happy toilet seat up weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Pink Haired MommaMarch 7, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    make sure you assume the Al Bundy position in front of the TV!

    Enjoy your alone time and thanks for the laugh, as always!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Jack SteinerMarch 8, 2010 at 12:17 AM

    Run free, run wild.

    ReplyDelete
  20. JaysDadMarch 8, 2010 at 8:05 AM

    I hope you enjoyed your free time. Maybe next time the kids are off from school or you have a free weekend you can give Ronni some free time and you come down to South Carolina and visit us. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  21. crucialtheguillotineAugust 4, 2010 at 9:19 AM

    FAGGOT!

    ReplyDelete
  22. goji berryJune 4, 2011 at 10:08 AM

    Aw, this was a really great post. In theory I'd like to write like this also - taking time and real effort to make a good article... but what can I say... I procrastinate alot and never seem to get something done.

    ReplyDelete

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