Angles...

According to the Dictionary, the word Angle has many meanings:

1) To fish with a hook and line.

2) The figure formed by two lines diverging from a common point.

3) A devious method; a scheme.

4) A biased way of presenting something or looking at something.

5) A member of a Germanic people who conquered England and merged with the Saxons and Jutes to become Anglo-Saxons.

Apparently there is one that I am unaware of...

Yesterday morning

Out-Numbered - Let's move it ladies. We're late.

7 Year Old - UGH!

This is such a normal sound in my house that it barely phases me anymore. My wife and two daughters have completely coherent conversations between them, simply by changing the intonation of the sound, "UGH". I'm sure this is not dissimilar to the dialect that originated from our neanderthal cousins. I digress.

Out-Numbered - Now what's wrong?

7 Year Old - I hate my hair.

Out-Numbered - What's wrong with your hair?

7 Year Old - It's horrible. It looks stupid.

Out-Numbered - Let me see.

7 Year Old walks out from the bathroom. She looks like she's been sucking on a lemon.

Out-Numbered - What's the problem?

7 Year Old - Dad, are you kidding me?

Out-Numbered - No. I think it looks fine.

7 Year Old - No it doesn't. It looks stupid.

Off the record, her hair did look like shit but I have no idea if it had anything to do with angles.

Out-Numbered - Then put it in a ponytail.

7 Year Old - I can't even put it in a ponytail.

Out-Numbered - Do you want me to put it in a ponytail?

7 Year Old - I KNOW HOW TO DO A PONYTAIL!

Out-Numbered - Then what are you talking about?

7 Year Old - Suzie cut my hair and she gave me these stupid angles.

Out-Numbered - It looks straight to me.

7 Year Old - DAD!

Out-Numbered - What?

7 Year Old - My hair. She gave me angles.

Out-Numbered - I don't know what you're talking about.

3 Year Old - UGH!

Out-Numbered - Don't you even start.

7 Year Old - My hair keeps falling in my face and I can't put it in a ponytail because it keeps falling out because of the angles.

Out-Numbered - So what do you want me to do?

7 Year Old - You don't know anything about girls. NOTHING!

Out-Numbered - That's probably true.

7 Year Old - And you live with THREE of them.

Out-Numbered - You can count. I'm impressed.

7 Year Old - I'm not going to school.

Out-Numbered - OK. So you're gonna stay here at the house?

7 Year Old - Yes.

Out-Numbered - OK then. We'll see you later. Just don't answer the doorbell for anyone.

7 Year Old - Not even you?

Out-Numbered - Why would I ring the doorbell?

7 Year Old - What if you forgot your keys?

Out-Numbered - I won't forget my keys.

7 Year Old - But what if you did? Can I answer the doorbell then?

Out-Numbered - PUTONYOURJACKETNOW!!!

7 Year Old - OK. Stop yelling at me.

Out-Numbered - I'll stop yelling when you start listening.

7 Year Old - I'll go to school but I'm never cutting my hair again.

Out-Numbered - Fantastic.

3 Year Old - My feet hurt.

Out-Numbered - UGH!

*In the spirit of full disclosure, I will confess that I spelled intelligence incorrectly three times before I conceded and used spell-check.

Comments

  1. KateApril 16, 2010 at 7:24 AM

    Oh dear... at 7? Ugh :p
    You're in for trouble :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Teacher MommyApril 16, 2010 at 7:52 AM

    Huh. Good luck with that.

    (I got nothin'.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. CougelApril 16, 2010 at 7:56 AM

    You kill me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jen L.April 16, 2010 at 8:52 AM

    LOLOLOL!!!

    Times like these, I'm glad I only have sons. ;-)
    Hang in there, big guy.

    ReplyDelete
  5. RonApril 16, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    I think I've had this conversation with my 7 year old. Just had a strange case of deja v.

    ReplyDelete
  6. NatalieApril 16, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    wow....and I thought the age of 2 was hard....what the hell have I gotten myself into?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Rob MonroeApril 16, 2010 at 9:30 AM

    We already have "UGH" going on in my house - but mostly from my wife. I can't wait until the two year old picks up on it...

    One solution would be to offer her a buzz cut. Never in her eyes with the added bonus of never having to deal with a ponytail. Just a suggestion.

    ReplyDelete
  8. MikeApril 16, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    Good stuff. However, you had no business stepping into that argument. You were doomed from the start.

    ReplyDelete
  9. SabreenaApril 16, 2010 at 11:40 AM

    This is going to get worse. You know that right? We women have a way of finding stress in everything. Wait till your girls hit teenage time. There will be more eye rolling and door slamming than you can shake a stick at. The Ughs will probably be screamed througout the house. Good luck to you sir. Wish I had better news but being a chick myself I lit my family up on a daily basis and my dad avoided direct conversation for a year or two.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Scott S.April 16, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    Jason, everytime I read your stuff, I look to the heavens and thank god that I only have 1 daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  11. jayslilsisApril 16, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    if she cares about how her hair looks, she already cares what her friends think - eesh, looks like you guys'll have your hands full the next 20yrs :) ::pats on back::

    ReplyDelete
  12. EdenSkyApril 16, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    Your 7 year old can do her own ponytails? My 6 year old will go for days without even brushing her hair. Where is the happy medium between Drama Queen and Street Urchin?

    ReplyDelete
  13. ChrisApril 16, 2010 at 1:13 PM

    You're in big trouble when she hits the teenage years. But you probably know that already. Just wait till you have a wife and two daughters on the same PMS cycle.

    ReplyDelete
  14. SaraApril 16, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    I loved the part about her hair actually looking like shit. Parents always tell their kids they look fine when they're in a rush to get out the door!

    ReplyDelete
  15. GadgersonApril 16, 2010 at 2:48 PM

    I can relate. My five year old informed me the other day that she couldn't wear a pair of Capri pants because kids would laugh at her. OMG
    By the way, I have given you an award on my blog. Stop by sometime and claim it. Have a great weekend! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  16. Barbara EhrentreuApril 16, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    If UGH is the strongest language you hear in your house you are lucky! Wait until they reach teenager and beyond. Drama with girls is as normal as peanut butter with jelly. Girls create and feed on drama and by pushing her out of the door you just showed that you won't take that crap. Good for you! You won the battle! Unfortunately, that is only one tiny part of the war.:) Sit tight and strap yourself in as Bette Davis said: You're "in for a bumpy ride" or was it "in for a bumpy night"? Whatever, it's going to be really bumpy and gets much, much worse. Take it from someone whose kids are 20 + years beyond this.LOL

    ReplyDelete
  17. pixielationApril 16, 2010 at 4:20 PM

    I still don't know what hair angles are, but they seem frustrating!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. SHIApril 17, 2010 at 5:29 AM

    I feel for you! I remember this exact conversation with my parents when I was her age. Not to rain on your parade but I got worse when I was a teen...I would actually pout on my bed and not go to school because my hair was fucked up...or my mom didn't wash the clothes that I thought that I wanted to wear...which by the way even if she had washed them...I wouldn't have wanted to wear them! I'm still apologizing to my parents for my shitty behavior as a teen!! So thankful I had boys! Hang in there :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. JaysDadApril 17, 2010 at 6:51 AM

    I love it. Sounds like you have a 15 year old in the house.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousApril 17, 2010 at 10:57 PM

    Dear God, thank you for my TWO SONS! I don't think they know or give a rat's ass about angles! The End. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  21. UnknownApril 18, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    Awesome, totally awesome. Love yhour 7-year-old. Good luck when she becomes a teen...

    ReplyDelete
  22. MrsBlogAlotApril 18, 2010 at 7:45 PM

    UGH! you poor thing!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. MomApril 24, 2010 at 8:56 AM

    is exactly why I prayed for two sons and not daughters.
    I knew how tough it was to raise daughters. After all, I am one, and I know I wasn't easy. Poor mom!
    It's much easier to be a gammy to my beautiful and blessed granddaughters.

    Stay strong, son.
    You'll be glad you did, someday. They are sooooooooooo lovable when they're not having a bad hair day.

    ReplyDelete
  24. TiffanyApril 27, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    Girls......we are one crazy bunch. UGH!

    ReplyDelete

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