When Did The Fun Die?
When I was a kid we played with trucks. We rode big wheels around the neighborhood pretending to be Ponch and Jon. We collected comics, Micronauts and Star Wars Cards. The toys back then had heart, substance and encouraged children to be creative.
WE INVENTED PONG GOD DAMMIT!!!
Back then, less was more.
OK so we also had those ridiculous, demonic, Smurf figurines. That was some bad shit.
Every generation has it's regrets.
But fuck me til I'm bald, I don't understand the collective brain trust running the toy industry today. I'm not talking about the people who market them or the stores that sell them. I'm talking about the hard core thinkers. The ones that sit in a room and eat cold Chinese food and don't come out until there's an idea worth dying for.
You know, the next great thing. The thing that kids will go nuts for at Christmas time. The thing that will inevitably turn unsuspecting parents into savages come Black Friday.
I would think if you're one of these highly paid, highly influential, toy engineer types, you'd take your job seriously.
You'd strive for greatness. Perfection. Uniqueability! (I made that up.)
Wouldn't you?
WOULDN'T YOU!?!
Well then people...
What the fuck are these?
And these?
Are those Shrinky Dinks?
No, you silly goose face!
Of course not. That would be genius.
These are Silly Bandz. They are the latest rage.
Well, what do they do?
Uh, they don't really do anything.
What do you mean? They must do something.
Nope.
Then what are they exactly?
They are rubber bands.
Rubber bands?
Yep.
They don't look like rubber bands.
That's what makes them cool. They are all different shapes. Look! A hippopotamus.
That looks nothing like a hippopotamus.
Sure it does.
It looks like a fat dick.
Shut up silly.
Do you tie things together with them?
Nope.
Can you put your hair back with them?
Not really.
Do they have a uterus?
Nooooooo. Why would you ask that?
Because if they have a uterus, I want to punch it.
You're cuckoo!
Can you do anything with them?
Yes. Don't be silly.
OK.
They glow in the dark!
Holy Shit that's fucking awesome.
See I told you!
I was just kidding you dickhead. They suck.
You're mean.
You're an idiot.
Silly Bandz! As seen on TV!
Yes, my kid has 20 of them... Shut up.
WE INVENTED PONG GOD DAMMIT!!!
Back then, less was more.
OK so we also had those ridiculous, demonic, Smurf figurines. That was some bad shit.
Every generation has it's regrets.
But fuck me til I'm bald, I don't understand the collective brain trust running the toy industry today. I'm not talking about the people who market them or the stores that sell them. I'm talking about the hard core thinkers. The ones that sit in a room and eat cold Chinese food and don't come out until there's an idea worth dying for.
You know, the next great thing. The thing that kids will go nuts for at Christmas time. The thing that will inevitably turn unsuspecting parents into savages come Black Friday.
I would think if you're one of these highly paid, highly influential, toy engineer types, you'd take your job seriously.
You'd strive for greatness. Perfection. Uniqueability! (I made that up.)
Wouldn't you?
WOULDN'T YOU!?!
Well then people...
What the fuck are these?
And these?
Are those Shrinky Dinks?
No, you silly goose face!
Of course not. That would be genius.
These are Silly Bandz. They are the latest rage.
Well, what do they do?
Uh, they don't really do anything.
What do you mean? They must do something.
Nope.
Then what are they exactly?
They are rubber bands.
Rubber bands?
Yep.
They don't look like rubber bands.
That's what makes them cool. They are all different shapes. Look! A hippopotamus.
That looks nothing like a hippopotamus.
Sure it does.
It looks like a fat dick.
Shut up silly.
Do you tie things together with them?
Nope.
Can you put your hair back with them?
Not really.
Do they have a uterus?
Nooooooo. Why would you ask that?
Because if they have a uterus, I want to punch it.
You're cuckoo!
Can you do anything with them?
Yes. Don't be silly.
OK.
They glow in the dark!
Holy Shit that's fucking awesome.
See I told you!
I was just kidding you dickhead. They suck.
You're mean.
You're an idiot.
Silly Bandz! As seen on TV!
Yes, my kid has 20 of them... Shut up.
LMAO!!! You're hysterical. I got one for you. My nephew has taken to collecting these things that look like beans. They have a weight inside that makes them knida wiggle like the old Weeble Wobble's, but much less fun. I swear what is wrong with people?
ReplyDeleteHahahaha. As Seen On TV, these commercials that blaze on the TV with subliminal messages that move the kids to drive their parents nuts for stupidity. Ok, may no messages, but still. My son goes nuts for "Smencils", Huh? I mean they are recycled pencils, yay for the environment. But they are sold as a craft kit because they come with smelly chapstick-looking stuff that you rub all over them. How is that a craft and how is that worth the money? Since when are pencils toys anyway? Oh, let's not forget the mint is supposed to make the kids do better on tests. WTF? I'll take an evil smurf over that crap any day. At least they had a cartoon.
ReplyDeleteAre you having a laff? Who on earth dreamt up such purile, pointless 'things'?!!
ReplyDeleteSurely they must do something?.......
*sigh*
ReplyDeleteI miss Micronauts. Those things were awesome.
Where's Josh Baskin when you need him?
ReplyDeleteI kind of want to punch YOU in the uterus for posting this. (Kidding of course, just love that phrase!)
ReplyDeleteThis does seems ridiculous.
Great Stuff! LLAMF!! Every generation has its shtick. When I was growing up in Brooklyn, I had no toys. I had a baseball glove, football, hard and soft balls...no pun intended and a spaulding(pink rubber ball). Oh, not to forget the bottle cap to play skelley. I walked outside at any time and there were at least 10 kids around my age on my BLOCK! We even went to the schoolyard. We played stoopball, ring-a-leevio, sewer-to-sewer(football/stickball/punchball), SPUD, hide "n" seek[my first kiss from Meryl Weiner] and many other games. No electronics, TV infancy. We had fun. Never had to worry about being abducted by a stranger. Ahhh, the good ole daze. GONE!!
ReplyDeleteHeard about these on the radio last week; I'm just basically counting the days until my kids want them, too.
ReplyDeleteBTW, apparently the "Phoenix" Silly Band is like the holy grail of Silly Bandz, or something. Just a heads up in case your kid does have it.
I've been away too long! I laughed my butt off! My kids have those and I keep asking them why they are so cool if, while you're wearing them, you can't tell what exactly they are.... Perhaps they are a sign that our kids need to get back to basics. Maybe toys today have become too complicated. Hell, you need a Phd to run an xbox! and I'm not even talking about xbox live!
ReplyDeleteStupid?! Are you kidding? This is fucking GENIUS! It's pure profit! Now, I just need to go out make shit like this out of paper clips and I can retire in a week.
ReplyDeleteAnd I shall call them "Silly Clipz". I can smell the money already.
My generation had giga pets. All the work of having a real pet... without the perks of getting to pet it. Stupidest. Toy. Ever.
ReplyDeleteOK ... I've had no sympathy for you in the past about being out-numbered ... even though I have more boys than girls, with 9 kids I always feel out-numbered.
ReplyDeleteBUT ... you own 20 of these ?!?!? NOW I feel sorry for you.
beats my pet rock...
ReplyDeleteScrew that, have you seen BEND-A-ROOS. Damn twist ties that you are suppose to make shit with. We have a million of those in our house. So how long till the kids start shooting SILLY BANDZ at each other
ReplyDeleteMaybe they keep you from going bald when you are over-fucked.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Smurfette ;)
Wait, these actually exist and aren't something you made up to be goofy? Shit.
ReplyDeleteAll I want to know is can you shoot them at other kids, because that would be way too much fun.
ReplyDeleteDumbest. Freaking. Invention. Ever. What the shit is the purpose of these damn things anyway?! My daughter wanted to buy them & I finally talked her out of it cause they don't resemble anything except a rubber band. I agree about the toys today, too -- the quality sucks too. Shit's always breaking, even after you paid your right arm for it.
ReplyDeleteOh,g-ddamnit those have hit my house, too. WTF?! All I want to do is shoot them at people.
ReplyDeleteSigh. I miss the 70's dude.
ReplyDeleteI saw those in a book store and I thought they were just a small novelty item. Don't tell me they're advertising them on TV? This is why I'm keeping my kid off the networks that advertise as long as I can...
ReplyDeleteOh and my childhood sounds a lot like your dad's...
man, that was funny. three things:
ReplyDelete1. silly bandz meet pet rock. pet rock, meet silly bandz. now that we got that out of the way, y'all go fuck each other.
2. does outnumbered refer to the girls in the house or the silly bandz?
3. i'm no wildlife expert, but i'm pretty sure the squirrel was humping the hippo.
Is this really a SELLER issue or a BUYER issue?
ReplyDeleteYou always leave me pissing myself! I agree with you on the toy thinkers. WTF are they thinking?
ReplyDeletei hate all that shit. I always complain about kids toys nowadays. Why can't kids make something or play with a ball for more than 3min?? I guess I'm turning into that old person (at 26) such a shame but I stand my ground. I wouldn't give in to buying that crap. Give the kids rubber bands and tell em to shape em themselves. And the kooky pens?? that baffles me
ReplyDeleteI remember looking at the Pet Rock in the store. The little box with air holes. The shredded paper at the bottom. They tried to make it all petlike. I forget what year that was (or what age I was). But, I remember standing in the Benjamin Franklin (the local five and dime) and thinking... this is stupid. They want me to spend my allowance on a rock in a box? I did not.
ReplyDeleteWebKinz. Ack.
ReplyDeleteTerrible, just terrible... if the product is marketed right, we will buy it - no matter how completely asinine it is.
ReplyDeleteme want.
ReplyDeleteMy husband works for a major drug store chain. They received 600 of those stupid things and sold them all in a 2 hour period. Crazy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, if you knew how much money they were making off those things, you might be sick.
49 right here, and going strong!
ReplyDelete