I Don't Need No Stinking Boy...
I have two daughters and one wife.
That is why this blog is called Out-Numbered.
Get it?
I want to make something perfectly clear to all of the people, past, present or future that will inevitably ask my wife and I if we're going to try for a boy.
NO FUCKING WAY!
We are 100%, completely and utterly content with what we have. We consider ourselves blessed to have had two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope.
We also can't imagine having another child.
These two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope are also a colossal pain in the rump roast. We'd have to be out of our collective tree to even consider another child.
Let alone a boy.
When our first daughter was born, I hadn't even considered the fact that we might be having a girl. I didn't think it was possible. I'm not sure why my brain worked that way.
I remember the day she was born, one of my friends said to me...
"Dude, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl, you have to worry about 100 dicks."
I remember pausing for a moment to contemplate this wisdom that had been put forth before me. I pictured 100 teenage boners lined up outside of my daughter's window. I imagined smashing each one of those boners with an aluminum baseball bat. Kind of like that game "Wack A Mole" but with boners.
This is how men think before they have girls.
When my daughter was still less than a year old, my Grandmother said something to me as I held my daughter. I'll always remember what she told me, for it is her words that completely sum up the simple but divine truth about having a daughter.
"There is nothing quite as wonderful, as the smile a little girl smiles, for her Daddy."
These are the words that best describe the gifts that I get daily from my daughters.
I have often searched for a way to explain how these smiles make me feel inside. Lately, I have been experiencing a certain physical sensation that sums it up completely.
Have you ever felt yourself starting to cry but just as your eyes well up, that feeling is met with the perfect synchronicity of inexplicable joy?
I suppose this is called, "Tears of Joy" and my tears of joy could fill a well right about now.
I don't worry about the boners anymore. There's nothing I can do about them. But my daughters bring out the best in me.
They make me want to be a better man; Every day, every week, every year, for the rest of my life.
They say that a girl always marries a guy just like her Dad.
If this is true, then I have a lifetime of work to do.
I can't control the boners but I can hopefully influence which ones they choose to hold on to.
Fuck. That totally wasn't what I was trying to say...
Just to be clear, I am not claiming that having a daughter is better than having a son. I have no way of knowing what it's like to have a son but I know I am a son and I can't be half as awesome as my daughters have been. They also say that you should have a daughter first. This way you know that she will take care of you when you are old, drooling and your wrinkled ass is hanging out of you nursing home gown. Supposedly the sons just take off and go wherever the pussy goes. Who knows? This is what I have heard.
That is why this blog is called Out-Numbered.
Get it?
I want to make something perfectly clear to all of the people, past, present or future that will inevitably ask my wife and I if we're going to try for a boy.
NO FUCKING WAY!
We are 100%, completely and utterly content with what we have. We consider ourselves blessed to have had two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope.
We also can't imagine having another child.
These two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope are also a colossal pain in the rump roast. We'd have to be out of our collective tree to even consider another child.
Let alone a boy.
When our first daughter was born, I hadn't even considered the fact that we might be having a girl. I didn't think it was possible. I'm not sure why my brain worked that way.
I remember the day she was born, one of my friends said to me...
"Dude, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl, you have to worry about 100 dicks."
I remember pausing for a moment to contemplate this wisdom that had been put forth before me. I pictured 100 teenage boners lined up outside of my daughter's window. I imagined smashing each one of those boners with an aluminum baseball bat. Kind of like that game "Wack A Mole" but with boners.
This is how men think before they have girls.
When my daughter was still less than a year old, my Grandmother said something to me as I held my daughter. I'll always remember what she told me, for it is her words that completely sum up the simple but divine truth about having a daughter.
"There is nothing quite as wonderful, as the smile a little girl smiles, for her Daddy."
These are the words that best describe the gifts that I get daily from my daughters.
I have often searched for a way to explain how these smiles make me feel inside. Lately, I have been experiencing a certain physical sensation that sums it up completely.
Have you ever felt yourself starting to cry but just as your eyes well up, that feeling is met with the perfect synchronicity of inexplicable joy?
I suppose this is called, "Tears of Joy" and my tears of joy could fill a well right about now.
I don't worry about the boners anymore. There's nothing I can do about them. But my daughters bring out the best in me.
They make me want to be a better man; Every day, every week, every year, for the rest of my life.
They say that a girl always marries a guy just like her Dad.
If this is true, then I have a lifetime of work to do.
I can't control the boners but I can hopefully influence which ones they choose to hold on to.
Fuck. That totally wasn't what I was trying to say...
Just to be clear, I am not claiming that having a daughter is better than having a son. I have no way of knowing what it's like to have a son but I know I am a son and I can't be half as awesome as my daughters have been. They also say that you should have a daughter first. This way you know that she will take care of you when you are old, drooling and your wrinkled ass is hanging out of you nursing home gown. Supposedly the sons just take off and go wherever the pussy goes. Who knows? This is what I have heard.
i used to get the same BS all the time...i had my 1st daughter, "when are u having # 2?" 3 yrs later i have a 2nd daughter, "when are you gonna start trying for a boy?" THEY want a boy so bad? let THEM give birth to it...factory's closed!
ReplyDeletepeople really need to mind their OWN bizzniss...LOL!
OK... so first you post is spot on. I read it to my husband we have a 21 yr old daughter, and 2 boys, 18 and 9. ( yeah I know surprise). I wouldn't trade any of them. Ok yeah I would 1 of them but I wont tell you it's the 18 year old boy . The daughter calls and checks on us daily and will in deed pick out our nursing home. The 9 year old is awesome. But I miss the restaurant times ( like in your video) with my daughter and now enjoy fart jokes and lizards.. Same thing. NOT. but still awesome.
ReplyDeleteok, a few things...
ReplyDelete1. Do your girls complete you?
2. Is this girl in the video CG'd? Because there's no way a little girl can be THAT frickin' cute.
3. "light dressing" - good one.
Great post. I love that I have nieces. Wouldn't trade them in for anything. They're awsome!
I love how your daughter screams a random word every now and then, just to keep you on your toes. Who needs boys anyway?
ReplyDeleteHow cute are they?
ReplyDeleteI have one of each. People assume that we are done b/c we have one of each. When I was pregnant, people would comment on how if it was "another girl" then we'd have to have a 3rd, but if it was a boy, we'd be so lucky and could be done. Um... folks, that just ain't how it works.
Now I do have a friend that had boys and kept having "just one more" for a girl. She stopped at 5 boys.
I have been blessed with three sons and a daughter. Birth order is not what you may think though. My daugter is my second oldest. I would not trade any of my boys for anything. Not even for having to utter the phrase "get your hands off your penis" more than 100 times in my life or explaining why I don't have one. That being said, I feel incredibly lucky I am also able to experience the gift of parenting a daughter. Our cats may have felt less lucky when she went through a phase of dressing them, but tough. There was nothing better than sitting in the living room, thinking she was asleep, and then having the cat strut in wearing a blouse. Thank Heaven for Little Girls! (And Boys!) (And their penises). That sounds wrong too...Fuck.
ReplyDeleteAs a 25 year old daughter...I KNOW I'm the apple of my daddy's eye (I have two brothers as well), and that he's one of the most important men in my life still! (The other two currently being my brothers.)
ReplyDeleteWell said.
ReplyDelete(Three boys and one girl here.)
nice one Jay.. kudos! :)
ReplyDeleteLOVE "I dont need no stinking boy"... wonderful. And LOVE the video..Ruby is sooo big since I had her in Music Together.. :( Love that she always has the russian dressing "ON THE SIDE" .. and nice touch w the lactaid..you guys all rock. MWAH! xo
ReplyDeleteThe diner video is priceless... Having 2 boys is something entirely different.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I have 2 girls myself. My answer is i have 2 healthy kids.... That's all that matters, they are healthy. Period!!! Ppl are complete & utter morons. Lol.
ReplyDeleteshit - i have two girls and also a charger fan...i know the joy and the heartache of your life
ReplyDeleteI am sorry - but that little girl is just too much! So so so cute! Love her!
ReplyDeleteSo much to say!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your daughter is just adorable. (She got so big!) And even more adorable is how you were with her. Very endearing. Good daddying right there. :)
Second, I have two sons. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me if I was "gonna go for the girl", I'd be rich. You don't have a 3rd kid because you're "going" for a gender; you have a 3rd kid because you want 3 kids. Period.
Third, I will admit that before I had my 2 boys, I was desperate for a girl. I couldn't imagine my life without a daughter, not having a mother/daughter relationship like I have with my mom... well, guess what? This factory's closed, and I don't have a daughter. And it took me a while, truthfully, to reconcile myself to that fact. And there is nothing, NOTHING, in this universe that I would trade for my sons. They are the air I breathe. I adore them beyond reason. They are delicious and loving and wild and exhausting and brilliant and amazing, and I don't even know now what I would do with a girl, I think.
Last, it is however sadly true that it seems that daughters take care of their parents when they get old, and sons leave pretty much as soon as they get married. So my running joke is, I hope to raise my boys into men that like and respect women, so they find really good ones to make into my daughters-in-law... because those are the women that will be picking out my and Adam's nursing home, and I'd like it to be a nice one. ;-)
I think we all get what we're meant to get. So be grateful if your children are healthy, and embrace them for the wonderful tiny people that they are, and will become.
You've gone all sappy on us. Meh. Beautiful post none-the-less.
ReplyDeleteLoved your post! Also loved the video of you and your daughter. It reminded me of those times when I used to be invited to special tea parties and all the silly things we used to do together. Having 2 girls who are now grown we went through lots of stages. Almost all of them are so cute and as a good parent you will enjoy them too. The part I loved was being entertained by my daughters with a crazy new play.:) Enjoy your little girl she is too precious and so poised!
ReplyDeleteIt's after 1am, and I just finished studying, basically all day, with a few interruptions (ortho appt, swimming lesson, dinner). Saw your new post, and figured it would be a good way to wind down before bed. How do you repeatedly manage to capture priceless moments in your words, let alone the video clips, from crass to sap, all in the same sentence at times?
ReplyDeleteYour daughters are surely enough.
We have one girl and three boys. We still get the question... are you going to try for another? My answer is much like yours, though perhaps more emphatic. We have all we need, and all we can handle. There are days when they seem too much. But, they're all perfect, right?
We went to breakfast with three of them the other day. The five-year-old (boy) has been playing his version of the restaurant game ever since. He kept the paper kids menu and when he's hungry, he points at it and tells mom what he wants. Apparently (I was not home), after a recent meal, he finished his food (from a modified menu, as the cook wasn't making his choice that day), wiped his mouth, and said something to the effect of, "That was great. This is a good place. I'll be back again. Thank you."
As a mom of 3 daughters and a sister to other sisters I can honestly say that I don't think I missed out. I can remember being hurt when people would say to my parents, "well maybe you'll get your boy with the next one". What were we? Chopped liver. My dad claims there wasn't anything he couldn't do with us that he would with a son. We were his pals and now as grown ups - we're pretty tight. When I was pregnant with my third, I called her Jake - convinced that "she" was a "he". Instead, I had an energetic whirling dirvish that became a superstar hockey player and pitcher.And just got her first pair of stilettos.
ReplyDeleteI always wondered why dad's wanted sons when I knew that nothing beats the bond between and daddy and daughter. Enjoy!
We have 3 boys and 1 girl. My daughter is so awesome. She is the hardest one for me to handle right now. I have often said I would not be able to handle more than one girl but, I am sure it would be worth the try.
ReplyDeleteI have two brothers, and it's been evident pretty much from childhood that I'll be the one to look after my parents. My brothers are good people but they can't bear to discuss things like wills or cremation or end of life care or health issues. It's not that way in all families, but it definitely is in mine.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I get the same question regarding us "trying for a girl". Like if maybe I do things a little differently or really just "give it my all" we have some say in the matter. We are complete with three boys. Yes, my wife occasionally wishes she could be braiding hair or looking at finger-paintings of butterflies and flowers rather than ... See Moredeathbots and dinosaurs... but we wouldn't change things for the world. Hey Jason, maybe we should consider some sort of temporary exchange program... With three and three we have some sort of twisted Brady Bunch thing going on.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post. Preciously funny. I have 2 sons(one of which is you) and 1 daughter. That's all I'm going to say.
ReplyDeleteI think its all a matter of perspective. I think my son is the moon and the stars and the sun. I adore my daughter, she's got strength and spirit and joy, and her father feels about her the same way you do, but from this mom's perspective, my boy is heaven (until he leaves me for a girl! ;)
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to tell you how glad I am I have a daughter...as she told me "girls rule boys drool"
ReplyDeleteStill so happy to have two boys. I believe I have gotten precisely what I can deal with. I can take the aggression, the attitude, the pig sties they call bedrooms. I CANNOT deal with whining, mean girls and cattiness. They love me. Of this, I am sure. I really do hope that one of them picks out a GOOD nursing home for me.
ReplyDeleteDid she know she was being filmed?
ReplyDeleteShe's a real ham like you!
Loved watching the two of you...it was fun watching how she just kept rolling along with you and your big, grown-up vocabulary.
Oh,I might add that I'm grateful I had two sons who have given me daughters-in-laws. I am even more grateful that I've been blessed to be able to enjoy two granddaughters and two grandsons. I'm not counting...I'm just grateful for what I do have.
I guess I should start giving away the high chair, pac and play, ...????? Anyone interested?
Still laughing about the imagery of 100 boners lined up outside the house...
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting the joys as well as the huge responsibility of fathering daughters. It's nice to know that not every man on the planet feels a family is incomplete without a son. Your girls are lucky. Keep the bat handy.
that video was awesome and too adorable.
ReplyDeleteShop closed! there is enough cuteness in this house!
ReplyDeleteYUV!
Yes and ditto to everything you wrote. Love my 2 delicious girls and they're enough for me. Sorry, Jeffers!
ReplyDeleteAs the mother of only boys (3 wonderful gems), I truly appreciated this. I confess I always hoped I would have a daughter but it just didn't happen. And while I wouldn't trade my boys for anything, I do wonder what it would have been like to have a little girl...thank God for my nieces:)
ReplyDeleteYour friend's advice was inaccurate. You have way more than 100 dicks to worry about. I put estimates in the thousands, but you work out so you should be fine.
ReplyDeleteI get that too - it's the best. My daughter is only three, but knows how to melt me to pre-tears. I was away last weekend, and on my way home my wife called so that Abby could talk to me. She just wanted to say "I really want you to come home to me, daddy." Sweetest fucking thing ever.
ReplyDeleteLove the video, man. So awesome.
After having two boys, I was pregnant with a third and everyone asked if we were "Trying for a girl". Which, NO.
ReplyDeleteWe did, in fact, have a girl and I can verily testify that boys and girls are equally awesome...in different ways. You're not missing out on a thing.
I love the way you think and write, Jason. Your girls are so lucky to have you in their lives!
ReplyDeleteI don't do boys (wait...that didn't come out right). I have 3 daughters and have no clue how one would raise a boy. I have no brothers, no sons, no uncles. I figure I can only handle one penis in my life. Apparently that's all youc an handle, too.
ReplyDeleteLove the video...you are much more patient and willing to "play" than I was with my girls. Bless you for loving your life and your girls.
Inspiring post!thanks
ReplyDeletehttp://www.makemoneyonline.pk