Escapades Of A Male Supermodel...

Tonight I will bare all for a good cause.

Tonight is the night I give back a little bit.

Tonight I will put my insecurities on hold and embolden my self esteem in order to set an example for millions that struggle with a crippling affliction.

But there is one thing that I am absolutely terrified of...

I am terrified that I have improperly used the word "embolden" in the preceding text of this post.

Please forgive me.

Some of you know about the Blogger Body Calendar. It's a terrific project that will benefit the National Eating Disorder Association; A non-profit organization that supports individuals and families affected by eating disorders, and serves as a catalyst for prevention, cures and access to quality care.

I am Mr. July.

I know. You don't have to say it. My wife already took care of that...

In our home late last night...

Out-Numbered - I need to shave myself before we go to sleep.

Wife - What do you mean, WE?

Out-Numbered - I might need you to help me.

Wife - I think you can manage.

Out-Numbered - Seriously, I'm doing my photo shoot tomorrow.

Wife - Seriously, I shaved you last week.

Out-Numbered - Yeah. Exactly.

Wife - Honey, men are supposed to have hair.

Out-Numbered - Yeah but not in a calendar. It's not sexy.

Wife - Are you kidding me?

Out-Numbered - I'm not Tom Selleck.

Wife - No, you're not Tom Selleck.

Out-Numbered - Fine. Forget it. I'll do it myself.

Wife - Great.

Out-Numbered - But I'm gonna be pissed if I have bald patches on my arm hair.

Wife - Why would you shave your arm hair?

Out-Numbered - Because it's gross. I'm like a Sasquatch.

Wife - Isn't the point of this whole thing to be yourself?

Out-Numbered - I am being myself. Just less hairy.

Wife - What do you want?

Out-Numbered - I need you to help me decide what to wear.

Wife - OK. What are my choices?

Out-Numbered - I was thinking underwear.

Laughter.

Out-Numbered - Why are you laughing?

Wife - Don't take this the wrong way but who exactly do you expect to buy this calendar?

Out-Numbered - Oh, why on earth would I take that the wrong way? Thanks. That makes me feel really sexy.

Wife - You've gotta stop with the sexy already.

Out-Numbered - C'mon, I need your help deciding.

Wife - OK. What kind of underwear?

Out-Numbered - I was gonna buy white boxer briefs.

Laughter.

Wife - That's totally sexy. You should do that.

Laughter.

Wife - Are you gonna shave your legs too?

Out-Numbered - Stop it.

Wife - What else?

Out-Numbered - What about jeans?

Wife - What jeans?

Out-Numbered - I was thinking of wearing my worn out, big jeans.

Wife - Why not wear you good jeans?

Out-Numbered - Because my big jeans fall down a little bit and my underwear will show a little. I feel like that's kinda sexy. No?

Laughter.

Wife - Oh yeah. Totally sexy. Like Mark Wahlberg.

Out-Numbered - Forget it. I'll pack all of it and let the photographer decide.

Wife - Why do you keep calling her your photographer?

Out-Numbered - Because that's what she is.

Wife - She's your friend from college.

Out-Numbered - I hate you.

Laughter.

Out-Numbered - I'm going to sleep...

Wife - Make sure to clean the bathroom floor after you shave your arms.

Laughter.

Out-Numbered - Shut up.

Look out world. There's a new kinda sexy in town and his name is...

Jason Selleckberg.

Comments

  1. MommyLovesStilettosAugust 11, 2010 at 9:00 AM

    LMAO!!!! This is the most hysterical post ever! I hope your photo shoot goes well! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kevin McKeeverAugust 11, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    You will be rocking the headband, right? Not many guys can pull that off like you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aspen Real LifeAugust 11, 2010 at 9:04 AM

    Now you really have me chomping at the bit for Mr. July in tidy whities.

    BTW: thanks for alerting me that the photo of my cute little Twitter bird is gone. It must have flown away.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WeaselMommaAugust 11, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    I can see this conversation taking place in many a home, including mine.

    Thanks for the morning giggle fit.

    ReplyDelete
  5. NatalieAugust 11, 2010 at 9:06 AM

    i love your wife!

    ReplyDelete
  6. TwoBusyAugust 11, 2010 at 9:07 AM

    I'm looking forward to seeing the results of the shoot with a queasy mixture of excitement and dread.

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownAugust 11, 2010 at 9:21 AM

    Jason Selleckberg - awesome! Is he related to Justin Timberwitz?

    Good luck with the shoot. Don't do the runway model glare, they look angry and hungry. Exhale, floss first and smile big, look up to minimize chins. Not that you have chins plural, just sayin thats what I did for pics recently...

    ReplyDelete
  8. SilverAugust 11, 2010 at 9:30 AM

    I hope you spent some time brushing up on your Blue Steel. mrawr!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My Bottle's Up!August 11, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    dude, you'll be great. :) we're all baring more than our comfort zone allows and it's for a kickass cause.

    SO QUIT BEIN A BITCH ABOUT IT AND ROCK THE SASQUATCH.

    (if you do jeans, i'm goina be pissed. ronni is totally right with the mark wahlberg reference.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. FaiqaAugust 11, 2010 at 9:47 AM

    You're going to be great... That said, who is the person that came up with the "hairless men are more attractive" ideology? Is it the same person that came up with "women built like 12 year old boys should be fashion icons"?

    Hair is fine. Better than fine. Sexy, even.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MikeAugust 11, 2010 at 9:52 AM

    "Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?"

    ReplyDelete
  12. Twenty Four At HeartAugust 11, 2010 at 10:06 AM

    Oh, I MUST meet your wife - I love her already! Maybe she can come to San Diego next year? Again, loved meeting you in NYC. Your photo is up and you're linked on 24 today: http://tinyurl.com/23cs2te

    ReplyDelete
  13. Red-haired FriendAugust 11, 2010 at 10:13 AM

    Just remember that scene from the Angelina Jolie movie Gia when the photographer says after the shoot, "Who wants to stay and make some art? Keep the fence, lose the clothes."

    On second thought, it would make for great blog.

    ReplyDelete
  14. amydppAugust 11, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    I cannot WAIT to see what this turned out like...

    ReplyDelete
  15. PollyannaAugust 11, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    A Speedo didn't cross your mind?

    Laughter

    ReplyDelete
  16. oophAugust 11, 2010 at 11:47 AM

    Is it wrong that this made me want to hang out with your wife?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)August 11, 2010 at 1:03 PM

    I think I love your wife.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Annie (Lady M) xAugust 11, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    Just keep Blue Steel in mind. That means looking at the camera with chin down (hides any unsightly folds of skin), pouty mouth (accentuates cheekbones), and upward tilted gaze (adds an element of flirtation)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dude Knows BestAugust 11, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    Manscaping is hard work.

    ReplyDelete
  20. AnonymousAugust 12, 2010 at 12:01 AM

    I think your wife and I would really get along well.

    ReplyDelete
  21. flipperAugust 12, 2010 at 2:49 PM

    he was an AMAZING model. i love being his friend AND his photographer!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. pixielationAugust 13, 2010 at 6:07 PM

    I've seen the photo and I'm still swooning.

    ReplyDelete
  23. MikeAugust 14, 2010 at 11:38 AM

    I coulda swore I read something about a Brazilian wax in a recent post here. You didn't have them do your arms and chest as well?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Michael from dadcation.comAugust 14, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    I don't think I want this calendar.

    ReplyDelete
  25. emmaAugust 14, 2010 at 11:43 PM

    It's all about the jaw. Next you'll be doing Nikon commercials or something.

    ReplyDelete
  26. MrsBlogAlotAugust 15, 2010 at 7:48 AM

    LOL! You'll have the best close up of any month!

    ReplyDelete
  27. ronnibunny72August 15, 2010 at 10:25 PM

    you did look awesome! i think i love your wife too!
    YUV!

    ReplyDelete
  28. WIDNEY WOMANAugust 21, 2010 at 10:41 AM

    I was hoping you would wear a Speedo....

    ReplyDelete
  29. MomAugust 24, 2010 at 10:52 PM

    Loved reading this! Laughed a lot.
    I still think jeans would have been a cooler way to go.
    Yet, your intentions were honorable.
    I understand.

    ReplyDelete

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