Spock May Have Shot My Wife...
It's 10:24pm on a weeknight.
I'm lying in bed and I can't stop staring at my wife.
She's fallen asleep with her glasses on and she's holding her book open on top of her chest.
It's almost as if Spock set his Phaser to "Stun" and fired it at her while she was reading.
She is passed out cold.
I know this because she is breathing like an old, asthmatic dog and she hasn't moved a muscle in about ten minutes.
My marriage is great.
I know my marriage is great because I can sit next to her in bed and listen to her breathing like an old, asthmatic dog and I don't want to punch her face.
Honestly I don't.
On the other hand, if you were lying next to me in bed, breathing like an old, asthmatic dog, I would most certainly want to punch your face.
Of course I would resist, because I wouldn't want to risk waking my children. Instead, I would suffocate the life out of you with one of my hypoallergenic throw pillows.
I can't tell you how mesmerizing this is to me.
How can a human being be fast asleep and still hold her book upright and open?
How is it not crashing onto her nose?
If I were to fall asleep while reading a book.
Wait.
If I read books and I happened to fall asleep while reading one of them, it would totally crash onto my nose and bloody it for sure.
She is an amazing woman.
Her breathing is getting really heavy now. It reminds me of being on vacation. It sounds like the ocean; like waves crashing on the shore.
Wow.
My marriage is like a never ending vacation, right here in my bed.
One breath at a time...
this was hilarious, and yet still one of the sweetest things i've read in a long time. thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteVery sweet
ReplyDeleteAwww... very sweet.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is beside me now, snoring as we watch TV. Two dogs are beside him, snoring as we watch TV. No inclination to punch anyone, though I do wish they would all shut the hell up. Yep, must be love.
Definitely a sign that you're married. If you can hear a person snore and not want to kill them. It must be love! For that reason, I know that my wife must love me because if not, I would have been the victim of homicide a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteHAA! You've got it made!
ReplyDelete...now stay away from those throw pillow urges will ya?
i love my sleep. Thanks honey. YUV!
ReplyDeleteNice. I'm always happy when you post. It sets my day straight.
ReplyDeleteRefraining from punching a sleeping spouse in the face? Damn. That's a groovy kind of love you've got there, J.
ReplyDeleteI love that you had no urge to punch her lights out even further. Sleep reading? Don't even try: it's a woman thing.
ReplyDeleteYour wife is reading AND sleeping at the same time. We women are renowned for multitasking!
ReplyDeleteNote to self: Never fall asleep next to that guy
ReplyDeleteI wish that my husband would get that excited about me sleeping. Usually he just likes to claw me with his crack toenails. I swear I may get a staph infection one day.
Very nice. My wife snores like one of those in-bred bulldogs with the smashed-in faces. And I too have never felt the urge to punch her. Although SHE claims that when I'M sleeping, my arms do tend to flail out and whack her in the head a lot.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'm sublimating something.
I feel awful.
ReplyDeleteI tried to hear the sounds of my marriage and all I heard were sprint cars on a 1/3 mile oval.
And I don't even like auto races.
Nice post. Heavy breathing without face punching is certainly an indication of something special.
ReplyDeleteWow! You're such a sentimental sweetheart. You hear your wife's heavy breathing and you DON'T want to punch her in the face. Ah, the romance of it all!
ReplyDeleteThat is truly impressive. I want skills like that. It's wonderful that you appreciate your beloved's talents.
ReplyDeleteMy husband has admitted to often watching me sleep and it is creepy yet sweet at the same time. It's kind of like having your own trusted stalker. I worry about drooling. A puddle next to my head can't be attractive. Kudos to your wife for being able to fall asleep in a cute pose.
ReplyDeleteis that a bad thing?
ReplyDeleteI love your work. Keep it up.
ReplyDelete