There Aren't Enough Words In The Dictionary...

It's nice down here.

It's as quiet as quiet gets.

The steady hum of the hot water heater. The rattling of the pipes. The creaking of wooden floors beneath tiny, invisible footsteps.

I like that sound.

Nothingness.

I like it because it keeps the moment alive.

Barely alive.

Fizzling away like the last pixel of digital snow on an old black and white television, sucked into one minuscule dot.

Gone.

It's hard to write about my family these days.

I want to. Trust me I do.

I want you to know everything and nothing at the same time.

The conversations with my daughters hang in the air, waiting to be captured and bottled like fireflies. The words fall into place like Tetris pieces. They are the blogs that write themselves but never get written.

I don't want to fuck up the perfection, like a game of telephone. I don't want, "I love french toast" to become "I hate Donny Most".

Tonight when I was putting my 8 year old daughter to sleep, we laid in bed together talking about our favorite Aimee Mann songs.

She likes Aimee Mann.

She doesn't like her because of me. I just played her the CD. She figured the rest out on her own.

"Hey bud. Wait here for a sec. I want to play something for you."

"Dad. Where are you going?"

"Hang on. I'll be right back."

I ran downstairs to my old CD rack.

1000 CD's. Each of them covered in a thin film of dust.

Got it!

I dashed upstairs, popped in the CD and climbed back under the covers with her.

Nose to little, button nose.

"What did you put on Daddy?"

"Wait. Just listen..."

I know exactly how I felt when I heard this album for the first time, back in 1987.

It made my heart race. It gave me chills. It made me want to run as fast and as far as I could run.

But I couldn't move.

The music froze me. That's exactly what it did to me.

Now I'm laying next to my baby girl. Nose to little, button nose and it was her turn.

I wondered, "what will the music do to her?".

There aren't enough words in the dictionary for me to write about that...

Comments

  1. UnknownJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    Aimee Mann? Wow, smart kid!

    ReplyDelete
  2. CougelJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:11 PM

    Hey Mayo, good to have you back. And you sound different. I like it :)
    ps. do you really call your daughter, "bud"?

    ReplyDelete
  3. TwoBusyJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:13 PM

    "Like fireflies."

    What a great metaphor.

    ReplyDelete
  4. amydppJanuary 27, 2011 at 11:17 PM

    Beautiful, we miss you writing, but I totally get it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. JaysDadJanuary 28, 2011 at 8:10 AM

    Jason, you've got to write a book about your life with your family. Your writing is so prolific. The images are real and beautiful. I'm curious to know the CD you came upstairs with that "made your heart move"! It can't be Aimee Mann as I believe her first solo album came out in the early 90s.

    ReplyDelete
  6. EllaJanuary 28, 2011 at 9:13 AM

    what an awesome moment. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownJanuary 28, 2011 at 12:16 PM

    Sweet stuff there, Jason.

    And if you're gonna hate anyone, it should be Anson Williams.

    ReplyDelete
  8. DB StewartJanuary 28, 2011 at 4:18 PM

    I totally remember this with my kids when they were little. Some days I was giddy with how much I felt for them and the songs we sang and the drawings we made and the playdough and memorizing poems for school and more too. Thanks for reminding me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. MikeJanuary 28, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    Peter Gabriel "So"?

    ReplyDelete
  10. JaysDadJanuary 29, 2011 at 7:59 AM

    Could be, could be.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My Bottle's Up!January 30, 2011 at 8:17 PM

    damn. i miss your voice.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Helping KidsJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:38 PM

    Thanks for sharing this moment with your child with us. It is touching. It also makes me jealous as I am going to have to wait to have a little one for one more year. Now I have to get an Aimee Man cd. I never heart much of their stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  13. light208February 4, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    I was flicking through blogs looking for something to catch my eye when I stumbled across this gem. A wonderful sensitive post. Thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  14. A Daft Scots LassFebruary 7, 2011 at 1:58 AM

    You have an award.

    ReplyDelete
  15. TODDLERSMay 24, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    smart kid, she must be your very best buddy and clever too..she knows when daddy is making some excuse..LOL

    ReplyDelete

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