Dr. Seuss Slipped A Disc...

So I've had really bad back problems for the last 6 months with no relief. Surgery hasn't helped and I feel pretty lost. I can't quite describe how painfully frustrating it has been for me. So I figured I'd let Dr. Seuss take a stab at it.

There once was a Chap who was perfectly fine. He steered clear of all trouble almost all of the time.

But he found himself stuck in a floopidy flam and his back couldn't handle all the plans that he planned. 

He was helping a person bail out of a flood but instead he wound up on the ground with a thud!

The pain that he felt made his eyeballs see white as he squirmed on the floor without much of a fight.

He winced and he moaned and he whined until dawn, still his body resembled the shape of a prawn.

He went to see doctors and surgeons and flipples and a Peabody Poobear who would cut off his nipples.

So he spoke to the Poobear who would cut off his nipples and he begged it to help him in exchange for some pickles.

So the Peabody Poobear who would cut off his nipples said he'd help him as long as he paid him in pickles. "But tell me" he said, "if it isn't your nipples, then why would you part with a gallon of pickles?"

"It's my back!" cried the Chap with a tear in his eye. "I've been looking for someone to give it a try."

The Peabody Poobear raised his paw to his pong and then cawed at the Chap and said, "Hey man, what's wrong?"

Well the Chap started chirping and his brain began mixing and he listed a list of the things that need fixing.

"It's my back its gone fishing! That much you knew but because of my back I can't do things like you."

"I can't tie my shoes. I can't put on my socks. I can't even pick up my bagels and lox. I can't wash my ass or my feet or my back and I can't climb a hill with a Jill or a Jack. I can't drive a car and I can't walk my dog and I certainly can't kiss a two headed frog. My face I can't shave and my clothes I can't wash and I feel like a radish trapped under a squash. If I still were in school then I couldn't play hooky and I shan't even ask Mrs. Chap to make nookie. By the look on your face I can see you can see that this back thing has got me hung up in a tree. So help me Sir Peabody Poobear my friend. Please help me right now or I fear it's the end."

The Poobear just stood there like his feathers were plucked then he opened his snout and said, "you Sir are fucked!"

"You are fucked with your shoes, you are fucked with your socks. You are fucked to the moon like a big bag of cocks. You can forget about shaving and washing and nookie. You can tell Mrs. Chaps I'll take care of her cookie. By the look on your face I can see you can see that this Peabody Poobear thinks you're fucked as can be."

So that's kind of where I'm at right now...